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Five New Trump Products We’re Sure Are Coming To The Market Soon

by John Gallagher March 10, 2016


Television viewers this week were treated to an hour-long infomercial by Donald Trump under the guise of a victory speech. (Special thanks you to the television networks that contributed to a deeper understanding of the American political process by sticking with the whole thing.)

Among the products that likely leader of the Republican party pitched were Trump steaks, Trump wine, Trump water and Trump, the magazine.

Let’s see if The Donald suggests any more Trump brands at tonight’s GOP debate in Miami, when he squares off against Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, Florida Sen. Marco Rubio, and Ohio Gov. John Kasich.

But surely there are plenty more products that the would-be leader of the free world could be marketing.

Here are just a handful that occur to us. Feel free to add your own in comments.

Trump Cement. Incredibly strong. One bag builds a ten-foot wall. Best of all, Mexico buys it for you.

Trump Condoms. Makes you the best lover ever. Comes in only one size: YUUUUGE.

Trump Church. Forget the little cracker. We serve Trump signature chocolate chip cookies at Communion. (And Trump wine, of course.) Scripture readings are from the Art of the Deal. It’s the Church God would build if he had the money.

Trump Gay Pride Parade. No one has ever seen a better parade. Ivanka has her own float. Everything done up in gold.  Just $100 to attend. No gays allowed.

Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons

John Gallagher
John Gallagher


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