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Five Reasons Justin Trudeau Should Be The Next President of the U.S.

by Rob Smith March 21, 2016

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The Trudeau/Obama bromance is setting the internet on fire, and it got us thinking about the possibility of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau becoming the next U.S. President. As we all know, Election 2016 has been enough of an absolute circus so far that anything could happen, even the Prime Minister of a neighboring country becoming our President!

OK, maybe not but stay with us here. Just in case we need a few more options (and continued strife on both sides of the aisle tell us that we just might) here are five reasons Justin Trudeau should be our next President:

Justin Trudeau Barack Obama

1. Obama/Trudeau Would Start a “Hot Presidents” Streak This Country Needs

Bush to Obama was a clear increase in Presidential hotness, and we need to keep this streak going. If Trudeau follows Obama, we can make America great again by having two sexy presidents in a row! There are some children growing up now who’ve never known anything other than a black President, and we’d like to take that a step further by they’re exposed only to attractive Presidents.

We’re sure some twink with a daddy fetish is all about that Bern and some of our Log Cabin Republican friends would be first in line in case Rubio turned up at another circuit party, but their appeal is…limited. Trudeau has a level of attractiveness that we can all get behind. He’d rally the country together around the most important issue in global politics — looking good in a suit.

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2. Trudeau Would Be the Second Most Gay-Friendly President This Country Has Ever Had

Trudeau is so gay-friendly that he personally signed a card for a Canadian who experienced homophobic bullying at work. He’s totally on board with the gays, and we need a President that is gonna bring that magic touch to this country when it comes to LGBT rights.

Under the Obama administration, we’ve gotten gay marriage, repealed DADT, and experienced an unprecedented rise in the awareness of transgender issues. It has been a transformational eight years for LGBT folks, and Trudeau is perfectly poised to swoop in and continue the United States on the path to full LGBT equality.

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3. He’d Disarm Putin With His Smoldering Good Looks, and Other Countries Would Bow to Our Hotness

Russian President Vladimir Putin really doesn’t like the United States. In case you haven’t heard, Russia isn’t too keen on the gays, either. Putin is notoriously tough in dealing with the U.S., but we think that Trudeau could change all this with just one come-hither glance. C’mon, just think about it! Those eyes, those lips, that height.

Blatant homophobia plus shirtless pics taken to present exaggerated masculinity = our opinion that Putin is at least a little bit gay. We think that’s an opportunity for Trudeau to use his doe-eyed, delicate features to thaw the icy U.S./Russia relationship a bit, and our international relations would be all the better for it.

The Queen And The Duke Of Edinburgh Attend The Commonwealth Heads Of Government Meeting

4. Sophie Grégoire-Trudeau Is a Worthy Successor To Michelle Obama In Giving First Lady Realness

In the words of Regina George, Sophie Grégoire-Trudeau is, like, really pretty. She’s pretty in pink. She’s pretty when casual. She’s even pretty while trying it with this mess of a hat that looks like it’s about to fall from her head. Even her eyes are screaming “no” while her brain is thinking about firing whatever stylist came up with that idea. Even so, she’s got the glam that we’ve become accustomed to seeing from our first ladies.

Let us be clear: there will never, ever be another Michelle Obama, but Mrs. Trudeau would be a worthy successor. We could totally see her going high fashion one moment and H&M the next, which is exactly why we want to see her in the White House. And yes, we know that Melania Trump would be a sickening First Lady as well, but the thought of Donald Trump being president just makes us sick.

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5. He Could Possibly Make Barack Obama his VP

This is probably about as legal or likely as Justin Trudeau becoming President of the United States, but if Election 2016 is about anything, it’s thinking outside the box. Trudeau becoming President and picking Obama as VP is the natural conclusion to this bromance, and we could totally see Obama advising Trudeau on all matters LGBT and looking great in a suit.

World leaders would buckle under the pressure of their combined hotness, and America would be well on our way to regaining our superpower status. And can you imagine Sophie T. and Michelle O. being the belles of the fashion industry for eight years? Dare to dream.




Rob Smith
Rob Smith

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