Free shipping over $99 | Interest Free *no credit check* financing is available!

Straight Guy Wishes He Were Gay So People Wouldn’t Be Put Off By His Queerness

by Dan Tracer April 02, 2016

Photo: Ezra Furman

Photo: Ezra Furman

A self-described straight 21-year-old has turned to the webs in an attempt to make sense of the tug-of-war he perceives between subversion and expectation.

And while his logic is rather flawed, we can empathize with his internal dilemma and hope he learns soon that the “normalcy” he’s holding onto is actually itself a warped funhouse mirror that deserves to be shattered.

In a post titled “Am I a bigot for wishing I was gay or queer so defying gender norms would be more socially acceptable?” he writes:

“I’m…at an age where I’m trying to discover who I am and what I want to do in life, I have a rebellious streak and I feel the most constructive way of harnessing that would be to defy gender norms. However I’m having great difficulty getting into performing arts/crafts without people wondering what kind of person I am. Gay men I think are generally accepted in society – and society allows them to break gender norms through drag, dance, poetry etc without batting an eyelid. If I started doing these things however, I think because society associates them with gay culture my friends and family would start to think I’m closeted or unwell. Potential partners and employers would question what the hell was wrong with me and I’d be castigated.

Or maybe not – maybe people would have a few minor doubts but continue to accept me as I am. I don’t know because I think I’m more well versed in feminism/queer theory and more inclusive than most. However I think I would still internalize this idea that people are judging me and become extremely insecure, making experimentation not worth while in the first place. I feel as if I were to start dancing and doing poetry all of a sudden, I would have to tell people I’m gay just so I would be at ease with myself.

I know this sounds deftly irrational but its what I’m feeling anyway. Am I a bad person for this? What the hell is going on? Does anyone else have similar experiences?”

Whew, see what we mean? Where to begin?!

First, it’s incredible that in the world he observes as a 21-year-old, he takes the statements “gay men are generally accepted in society” and “society allows [gays] to break gender norms” as token facts.

Piece of advice number one: read up on your hersotry!

Perhaps if you understood the sacrifice and risk (past and present) involved in various forms of radical self expression, you wouldn’t shrug it off so cavalierly.

But here’s the bigger takeaway: rebels don’t care how others choose to define them.

If people think you’re gay, they think you’re gay! We’re pretty sure David Bowie, the epitome of “straight guys who play with gender norms,” didn’t mind when someone thought he was gay. Actually, he encouraged the idea.

And here’s the even bigger takeaway: you don’t have to be gay to be queer, and if you have an authentic inclination to prance around in women’s clothes, you might be more queer than you think.

We mean that in the best possible way. Embrace it — it’s all love.

Anything you’d add to help him along on his path towards fabulousness?

Dan Tracer
Dan Tracer


Leave a comment

Comments will be approved before showing up.

Also in Think

Justin Theroux Reflects On Those Infamous ‘Leftovers’ Sweatpants Photos

by Graham Gremore September 29, 2016

It was August 2014. The Leftovers was wrapping up its first season on HBO and the entire Internet was in a tizzy over Justin Theroux’s sweatpants. More specifically, what was flopping around underneath the sweatpants he was wearing in the opening scene of an episode. In case you need a refresher, here you go: After making national headlines, [...]

Continue Reading →

PHOTOS: Model/Mathematician Pietro Boselli Finally Reveals Finest Assets

by Derek de Koff September 29, 2016

There are still a few things in the world that we aren’t angry at, and a naked Pietro Boselli is at the very top of the list. The model/mathematician/engineer/anomaly is prominently featured in a new photoshoot (wordily titled Pietro Boselli & Ymre Stiekema by Philippe Vogelenzang – Ladies & Gents N°57) that showcases some of the best and [...]

Continue Reading →

See How A Gay Bar And A (Douchey) Straight Bar Reacted To The Debate

by Derek de Koff September 29, 2016

Full Frontal with Samantha Bee wanted to see what “both Americas” were thinking during the debate, so they sent correspondents to a Democratic viewing party at The Stonewall Inn and a Republican viewing at the “non-historic” sports bar Tonic in Times Square, where things rapidly descend into abject douchiness. Warning:Things get awkward. Related: Randy Rainbow Moderates The First [...]

Continue Reading →