A bisexual man says his wife is forcing him back into the closet, and he’s not sure how to handle it, so he’s turning to the advice column Dear Prudence for help.
“I’m a bisexual man in a happy, monogamous relationship,” the man begins. “My wife is fine with my sexuality but does not want me to talk about it with other people.”
“She especially does not want me talking about it around her friends,” he continues, “many of whom are gay men, for fear that they would start hitting on me.”
The man suspects his wife is also concerned that their gay friends might make fun of him, though he’s not too worried about this.
But it gets worse.
“She also does not want me to contact an ex-lover, who was also my best friend for a long time,” he says. “I’m not particularly bothered by these ‘conditions,’ but I would like to speak to this guy at least once again in my life, and it might be nice to have people with whom I could openly discuss my sexuality.”
He signs the letter “She’s Honestly Fine With It.”
Prudence, however, begs to differ.
“I disagree that your wife is ‘fine’ with your sexuality,” she writes. “If she wants you to keep your sexuality a secret and thinks any gay man who learned of it would be unable to keep from either mocking or trying to seduce you, I think she is in fact deeply uncomfortable with and resentful of your sexuality, which is a shame.”
Prudence continues: “It’s one thing for her not to want you to get in touch with an ex, which is understandable if high-handed; it’s quite another for her to forbid you from even talking about the fact that you’re bisexual.”
The bottom line, Prudence says, is this: “If she thinks the only thing keeping your friends from trying to destroy your marriage is a mistaken belief in your heterosexuality, then she has insufficient faith in both your marriage and the character of your friends.”
Her advice: “Tell your wife that you’re not going to hide who you are from those close to you simply to keep her comfortable. Her version of protection and support looks an awful lot like a closet to me.”
What do you think? Is this guy’s wife really “fine” with his bisexuality, or does he need to stick up for himself more? Sound off in the comments section below.
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