A young woman slept with her gay best friend. Now she says she’s in love with him and wonders if maybe she can turn him straight. So she’s seeking counsel from advice columnist Dear Prudence.
“I had a really big crush on this guy back in eighth grade,” the woman’s letter begins. “He told me he was gay, and we’ve been best friends ever since. My parents know he’s gay, so we don’t have to follow rules I would normally have to follow if I had a guy over.”
The woman says she and her GBF recently started messing around with one another.
“Recently he has started kissing me, and he feels me up sometimes too,” she explains. “I asked him what was going on, and he said he was just curious. I thought it was weird that he would be curious about what a girl felt like if he was attracted to guys, but I didn’t say anything else.”
After a few heavy petting sessions, the two had sex. Now she wonders if maybe he’s not gay anymore.
“I asked him if this meant he wasn’t really gay, and he said ‘No,’ that he was still just curious, that it felt good but he was still only attracted to guys,” she says. “I feel he may not really be gay at all because I look nothing like a guy, and he had to have been attracted to me in order to do it, right?”
She continues: “I don’t know what to do. I love him, and he says that he loves me too but just wants to stay friends but that he also would like to have sex again. I would like to do that again and again and again, but it’s because I love him so much.”
“What makes someone gay?” she wonders. “And can you be gay but still have sex with someone who is not gay? I am really confused right now.”
In her response, Prudence wastes no time bringing the young woman back down to reality.
“I think his being gay is a red herring,” she says. “What’s more important is that he’s made it clear that while he’d like to have sex with you again, he’s not interested in dating you or reciprocating your romantic feelings.”
“Whatever his sexuality ends up being,” the tough love continues, “it sounds like he’s more interested in treating you like a fun experiment than someone whose feelings he’ll take into consideration before doing whatever he feels like doing.”
Prudence’s final piece of advice: “Tell him … exactly how you feel about him and that you don’t want to be something he explores out of curiosity. The worst thing you could do right now is hide your feelings, continue to sleep with him, and hope that something magically changes and he suddenly starts to love you in the way you want to be loved.”
What do you think? Do you agree with Prudence’s advice? Sound off in the comments section below.
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