Free shipping over $99 | Interest Free *no credit check* financing is available!

Why Size Definitely Didn’t Matter To The Ancient Greeks

by john russell May 28, 2016


Chances are you’ve never gotten a raging case of penis envy while perusing the statuary of Ancient Greece at the Met or similar. Those statues of Zeus and Hercules may be built like brick — or, rather, marble — houses, but there’s a reason why, by today’s standards at least, they’re generally unimpressive between the legs, and it’s not because they were all ’roided out juice pigs.

“Only grotesque, foolish men who were ruled by lust and sexual urges had large penises,” according to a recent piece on Quartz.

They could be talking about many of the guys I dated in my 20s, but in fact they’re talking about the masculine ideals of the Hellenistic period that dictated how heroes and gods were depicted in sculptures:

“Greeks associated small and non-erect penises with moderation, which was one of the key virtues that formed their view of ideal masculinity,” explains classics professor Andrew Lear, who has taught at Harvard, Columbia and NYU and runs tours focused on gay history. “There is the contrast between the small, non-erect penises of ideal men (heroes, gods, nude athletes etc) and the over-size, erect penises of Satyrs (mythic half-goat-men, who are drunkards and wildly lustful) and various non-ideal men. Decrepit, elderly men, for instance, often have large penises.”

It’s amazing how much can change in over 2,000 years! Of course, experts agree that, similar to the way that we now know that a huge cock doesn’t necessarily guarantee sexual satisfaction for either partner, in Ancient Greece a tiny tool wasn’t necessarily an indication of intelligence and moderation. Then, as now, the total package was tough to find: body of a Greek god, brain of a philosopher, and hung like a goat-man.

john russell
john russell


Leave a comment

Comments will be approved before showing up.

Also in Think

WATCH: Is Halloween Really The Gay Superbowl?

by Dan Tracer October 25, 2016

Last we checked, the “gay Super Bowl” was Pride. And the Olympics. And Memorial Day weekend. OK, any holiday really. So by that logic, yes, Halloween is also the gay Super Bowl. Related: “Slutty Halloween Costume” Guy Is Back With A New Array Of Looks In an ad for the upcoming Halloween episode of The Real O’Neals, [...]

Continue Reading →

Jack O’Connell Cast As Fashion Designer Alexander McQueen In Upcoming Biopic

by Jeff Taylor October 25, 2016

Jack O’Connell will star in the lead role of Pathé’s as of yet untitled Alexander McQueen biopic, Variety reports. This will be a major part for the British actor, who has previously appeared in the films “300: Rise of an Empire,” “Unbroken” and “Money Monster.” This film about the famed fashion designer will be directed by openly gay [...]

Continue Reading →

Those Simon Rex Leaked Scenes Have Apparently “Resurfaced” Online

by Derek de Koff October 25, 2016

There was a time, and it wasn’t terribly long ago, when male celebs didn’t have explicit GIFs and jpegs pouring out all over the Internet every waking moment of every waking day. Related: Adult Film Stars Who’ve Retired: Did They Have Happy Endings? And before these semi-scandals became as commonplace as the very air that we breathe, there [...]

Continue Reading →