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Given The Chance, Would You Hook Up With A Married Heterosexual Guy?

by Derek de Koff June 04, 2016


Hey, brah! Here’s an experience many readers won’t empathize with, but plenty will envy.

In a Reddit thread titled The Straight Married Man Issue, a young man discusses his recent dalliances with a straight married guy.

Whoa. That’s so not frat.

“At the end of the day, I know it’s wrong,” he writes, “because I wouldn’t want my loved one or spouse cheating on me or keeping desires they need to act on from me.”

Related: Straight Dudes Sound Off On Letting Gay Men Explore Their Armpits

For whatever reason, this guy constantly winds up “in some sort of tango with a ‘straight’ married man.” He doesn’t explain his strategy. (Maybe lying through your teeth?) Here’s what he says:

I’m conflicted because these men, however they explain it to themselves, need/want this outlet but are so entwined in their other lives. Part of me thinks it’s exhilarating to know that people of all walks have gay desires and then part of me thinks they need to quit living a lie.

Related: Young Man “Feels Sick” After “Wasting” His Virginity On “Messy” Grindr Hookup

So far, responses are all over the map–from the simple (“Don’t be somebody’s side hoe, dammit!“) to the provocative and long-in-the-tooth:

I’ve hooked up with a number of married “straight” men, although mostly without my knowledge prior to meeting up. It usually comes out after the deed is done. Sometimes I ask why they do it, and it’s 99.9% of the time acting on impulses they would never have the opportunity to act on otherwise. A guy once told me that if he could re-do it all, he would be married to a guy and not a woman – but he’s got a family so he can’t/won’t change it which I get.


As a rule – I would never go out of my way to seek married guys, but I figured out the married ones are almost always out-of-towners looking for some D. If I end up hooking up with a married guy, it doesn’t go beyond the physical. I don’t want a relationship with them and I don’t want to start an affair.


I don’t really feel any guilt if I hook up with a married guy, especially if he mislead or omitted that info on the outset since he clearly has issues he needs to work out. I’m not there to be his therapist or whatever. I know it’s callous to just say “well it’s his issue to deal with” but it sort of is. And we always play safe so the risk of any potential STD transmission is substantially reduced. If we get it on, and no one’s the wiser and we both have a good time, it’s a win-win.

So, gay bros, what do you think? Is hooking up with a married straight guy too toxic to touch?  Or an opportunity to be savored and exploited?

In the words of the original poster: “Stories? Thoughts? Feelings? Discuss.”

Derek de Koff
Derek de Koff


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