Fifteen minutes until the date begins, and the full-length mirror still holds you in thrall, like a grisly horror movie.
At your feet, a sprawl of discarded polo shirts, blazers, blue jeans, slacks, socks, underwear, drams of cologne, moisturizer, foundation, ketamine bumpers, dog-eared self-help books, teeth whitening trays, empty bottles of vodka, cigarette butts, muscle relaxers, cartons of melted ice cream, barbells, issues of Men’s Fitness…
Is it just you, or does your face look pouchy today; a slave to the carbs? (Why did you heat up that Fettucine Alfredo yesterday…?)
Does every pair of pants exist to accentuate those billowy puddles of flesh clinging tenaciously to your sides?
And that face of yours. On your way to a Clearasil casting call?
Your iPhone trembles in your hand as you text the words: “I’m not feeling well, can we reschedule…” Like, never
I mean, who the hell does this guy think he is…?
According to a new research study sponsored by the dating website EliteSingles, data suggests gay men are markedly less confident, less secure, and far more anxious than their straight brethren.
Here’s the breakdown of the study:
Well, okay. That last bullet-point though.
Why would a gay man’s happiness be on par with that of straight men if dating turns gay men into nervous wrecks? We’re confused here. Are we just gluttons for punishment?
According to Michael Middleton of EliteSingles Research Team, “The large-scale data analysis of users’ responses discovered that, across all the indicators, gay men were demonstrably more neurotic than straight men.”
“Gay men really worry more about their love life than straight men,” he says, “but it doesn’t make them any less happy overall.”
So, so confused now.
What do you make of these findings? Do they ring true, or is this just a bunch of claptrap and how dare EliteSingles, and how dare we even promote EliteSingles…? Sound off in the comments below.
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