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Teenage Ted Cruz Was All About Butt Sweat And World Domination, In That Order

by Dan Tracer January 25, 2016

Screen Shot 2016-01-25 at 9.20.03 AM

Things we had in common with 18-year-old Ted Cruz when we were that age: joking about unwanted body sweat. Actually, we still do that, and it’s still just as funny.

Things we didn’t have in common with 18-year-old Ted Cruz: goals of world domination.

No, those came later, much later. [cue maniacal laughter]

Related: Here’s The Incredibly Awkward Raw Footage Ted Cruz Doesn’t Want You To See

Either way, it’s a bit off-putting to see the boy who would eventually say, “I call upon every Believer, every Constitutionalist, every lover of liberty to stand with Kim Davis. Stop the persecution now,” profess his hopes and dreams of world conquest, joking or not.

Even more shocking is the part where we actually agree with something Ted’s father Rafael says. We never, ever thought that could be possible.

Related: Turns Out Ted Cruz’s Father Rafael Is Just As Obsessed With Gay Sex As His Son

When asked if he thinks Ted is “going to rule the world one day,” Rafael responds “I hope not.”

Watch below:




Dan Tracer
Dan Tracer

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