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Top 10 Funniest Gay Valentine’s Day Gifts

by mikealvear February 08, 2016


1. Pump Up Your Smartphone


red pumps
This might be the only way you can get him to put down his phone during your romantic dinner. If he complains? Tell him if the shoe fits…



2. What Jerry McGuire Meant To Say


Few gifts straddle the no man’s land between romance and porn. This is one of them. He’ll burst out laughing but good luck getting him to wear it.



3. The Truth Hurts.

gay gag gifts
What’s so funny about this 150-page book? Every page is blank! Penis connoisseurs will appreciate “the truth well told,” but the true laughs start when your friends pick up the book from your coffee table.



4. It Beats GrindR

inflatable dude

The Good: He has no teeth, doesn’t care if you roll over after you’ve pleasured yourself and doesn’t snore. The Bad: He’ll ignore your texts, never call and you can never bring him home to meet mom and dad.



5. Ribbit Ribbit!

Frog to prince


Put the frog in a cup. Add water and poof! A poofter! Who knew that the only thing standing between you and Mr. Right was a little H2O? Travel advisory: Don’t drink the water.



6. Disney Just Fainted.

hes mine
This isn’t just cute as balls, it’s also a classic example of how to rip off a company without getting sued. No logo, no characters, no iconic phrases, yet it SCREAMS Disney. Sleep tight, Walt.



7. True Love

balls are wrinklyThis is gay code for eternal love. Nice sentiment, but we want to see one that says “I’ll still love you when your dick shrinks, you declare bankruptcy and lose all your hair.”



8. Want A Cookie?

cookie cutter
We love this gift but one misplaced chocolate chip in that tableau and oh dear, there goes your appetite.



9. I Hard You

two hearts tshirt
Talk about warming the cockles of your heart! Perhaps no other t-shirt distills gay love to its foundational essence.



10. Holy Flying Hotties, Batman!

batman and robin

A great way to tell him what a dynamic duo you two make. Perfect for that Teacher-student, Daddy-Twink, Master-Sub vibe you might have going on.


Michael Alvear is the author of Book of Things Better Than Dick and blogs at the mindful eating blog,



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