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Senator Quits Because It’s Too Hard To Be A Homophobe These Days

by matt baume March 01, 2016


Aw geez, life sure is tough for bigoted homophobes like Australian Senator Joe Bullock. He’s decided to get out of politics because it’s just too difficult to keep oppressing homosexuals these days. Such a shame!

Bullock says he’s “morally obliged” to hang up his hat, and we can’t say we disagree. If you can’t shake your bigotry and prejudice, then yes, the ethical thing to do is to leave politics so you won’t hurt anyone else.

According to Bullock, he’s been agonizing over the situation for six months, after the Labor Party informed members that they would need to vote in favor of marriage equality. Bullock really did not want to do that because his “conscience” told him that he should be attacking the families of his LGBT constituents.

Now that he’s out of office, he can devote his full attention to the faulty wiring in his brain that makes him think there’s anything moral about hurting same-sex couples.

“Good riddance to the big fat rat,” said one of his colleagues who didn’t want to be named. We know just how you feel, anonymous politician. We just had a little political shakeup of our own on the Supreme Court. Sometimes change can be great.

Bullock has been nothing but miserable for his entire time in office. He replaced Louise Pratt, who worked tirelessly for equality for all Australians, and he was a real dick to her about it.

“I can’t be quite sure, but I think she’s a lesbian,” he said, making a reference to her then-partner’s trans status. “So she’s a key spokesperson for that persuasion.” God, what an asshole this guy was — obsessed with other people’s sex lives and gender and what’s between their legs, always looking for an opportunity to denigrate anyone he thought wasn’t like him. Hopefully he’ll disappear from politics and never be heard from again.

With this jerk out of the way, a major obstacle to full national equality is gone. Organizers are ramping up efforts to gather public support and push for a marriage equality bill very soon. Australia’s still behind many other countries when it comes to allowing same-sex couples to marry.

matt baume
matt baume


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