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Dad Fears Makeover Will Turn 5-Year-Old Son Gay

by Derek de Koff September 14, 2016


She knows how ridiculous it sounds, but she’s praying that the teeming masses over at Reddit will be able to offer some timely advice on a matter that’s rending her household asunder.

“Our daughters had the idea to give their brother a makeover,” Ollyolyfreetimes writes. “They all thought it was hilarious and my husband did not say anything at the time but apparently he ‘died inside’ when he saw our son with makeup on.”

Related: Little Boy Owns Runway, Melts All The Hearts

Now he’s going on rants about how their five-year-old son is gay, and how their daughters have corrupted his pliant mind and given him a taste for wearing the demon makeup. Next, he thinks, they will “put him in a dress.”

In her words, “He is a nervous wreck and I am over his attitude. Is there anything I can do?”

Redditors were quick to huddle together to sing their words of wisdom and offer her the help she so desperately needs in this trying time of transgressive rouge and lipliner application.

Related: Barbie-Loving Boy Is The Best Thing You’ll See This Week

“You need to have a conversation about your husband’s homophobic comments in general,” responds Usrname52, after carefully emphasizing that nothing makes you gay. “Why is it a bad thing if your son is gay? You have 5 kids. How is he going to react if one of them comes out?”

PennyLisa concurs. “Your husband needs to realize that when he has a child the child is his own person, and may have likes, dislikes, sexual orientations, etc that he doesn’t approve of.”

“My best friend does drag,” reveals HereComesBadNews, “and his two year old nephew has been getting in to his uncle’s makeup since he could hold on to things.”

I even gave the nephew a soft powder brush of his own to play with. He’s also obsessed with his dad’s backhoe and loves to get dirty. Nobody bats an eyelash at any of this because he’s a kid and kids are just going to play with what’s fun. Makeup is fun.”

“Years later, photo evidence of these events will turn up at major events, regardless of sexuality,” writes whichwitch9, who we like. “It is the right of the older sibling to ensure future embarrassment photos are secured before the younger sibling is old enough to protest.”

“We used to paint our little brother’s nails and dress him in our Disney princess dresses,”cornflake reveals. “He loved it and would ask us to dress him up. He isn’t gay (not that it would matter if he was). Funnily enough my sister and I, the owners of those princess dresses, are both dating other women.”

Related: 12-Year-Old Boy Has Incredible Showdown With 11,000 Homophobes

Our advice? She should wait until her husband is asleep and then assiduously apply a battery of L’oreal products to his face, so he can awaken in the morning and discover his own signature look for gorgeous eyes. Perhaps then he’ll realize that makeup will not make you gay, even when it makes you feel very pretty indeed.

Plus, as this story illustrates, a young boy like Ethan Wilwert (pictured above) can undergo an intense makeover and totally own it.

What do you think this woman should do with her bummer husband? Weigh in in the comments below. 

Derek de Koff
Derek de Koff


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