Free shipping over $99 | Interest Free *no credit check* financing is available!

Jesus Will Allegedly “Kill All The Sodomites” When He Pops Back Around

by Derek de Koff July 17, 2016

Screen Shot 2016-07-15 at 12.26.38 PM

For generations, millions of American citizens have happily put their lives on hold to sit around and wait for Jesus to come. Though, judging by recent predictions, it’s hard to see what they’re so excited about.

Related: PHOTOS: 18 Times Jesus Was The Savior Of Sexiness

For instance, Family Research Council’s Jerry Boykin predicts that when Christ comes back to take what is rightfully his, he’ll be carrying an AR-15 assault rifle. (Isn’t that a country song?) Endtime preachers believe Donald Trump is being used to trumpet the Second Coming, which poises Jesus as an exterminating angel if there ever was one.

Now, we can add the always heinous extremist Theodore Shoebat to the mix, who, in his trademark Old Navy regalia, said last week that Jesus Christ will be coming soon to slaughter all the gay people.

Related: PHOTOS: Hunky Jesus Contest Brings Beloved Sacrilege Back To San Francisco

“In a biblical society,” he states, “every fag would be rounded up and killed. But that’s not going to happen, but believe me, when Jesus comes back, Jesus is going to kill all these sodomites. You’re going to be praying to be living under a Catholic society from the Middle Ages because when Jesus comes back, it’s going to be a lot more brutal.”

Related: Jesus Was Gay, Or “At The Very Least” Queer, Says Theologian

“He’s going to find all you bastards and he’s going to slaughter every single one of you,” said Shoebat, smiling for the camera. “I can’t wait for that day to come. It’s going to be a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful world.”

Well, if you gotta go, it beats cancer.

Watch Theodore Shoebat’s latest rant below: 




Derek de Koff
Derek de Koff

Author


Leave a comment

Comments will be approved before showing up.


Also in Think

NOM’s Latest Protest Draws A Whopping Eleven People

by matt baume September 24, 2016

Can you believe the National Organization for Marriage still even exists? Of course, these days they’re mostly focused on trans bathroom policies and other countries, which makes them neither “National” nor “for Marriage.” And now it looks like they aren’t even organized, either. NOM just organized a rally at the Mexican embassy in Washington DC, a show of [...]

Continue Reading →

Woman Claims She Was Threatened, Spat Upon, And Bullied At Work For Being Heterosexual

by Graham Gremore September 24, 2016

“I’ve been spat on, I’ve had people scare me, I’ve had people contact me at work anonymously, saying ‘I know where your children go to school’,’” Cassandra Liebeknecht says. “There was also a gentleman who continues to this day to slander me for my sexuality.” Liebeknecht is the general manager of the Feast Festival, a popular [...]

Continue Reading →

Pita Tofua Returns To The Beach, Mykki Blanco Strikes A (Shirtless) Pose And Milo Yiannopoulos Dies

by matthew tharrett September 24, 2016

Just when you thought you were having a bad week, the ACLU slapped Kim Davis with a lawsuit, the gay Bachelor threatened to sue his anonymous online trolls, Troye Sivan’s nudes leaked, and gays started getting into monogamy. Here’s what you might of missed on Instagram: Orlando Bloom sparred with his shaolin master. Spanish actor [...]

Continue Reading →