Free shipping over $99 | Interest Free *no credit check* financing is available!

Morrissey Writes Resolutely Morriseyesque Screed About Orlando, Trump, Hillary

by Derek de Koff June 15, 2016


Nearly 24 hours a day, Morrissey can be depended upon for being unswervingly Morrisseyesque, languidly lobbing gladioli and well-placed adverbs at any number of societal woes.

Tuesday proved no different, finding the singer penning a long, customarily acidic screed on his official Morrissey fan website,

Related: Morrissey Denies That He’s Gay, Claims He’s A “Humasexual”

Entitled “Hate-rosexuality,” the entry takes on everything from the Orlando massacre to human Orangesicle Donald Trump to Nancy Reagan trivia expert Hillary Clinton.

Praise is reserved only for Bernie Sanders. Everyone else gets linguistically drawn and quartered.

On Orlando shooter Omar Mateen, he writes:

Although the gunman who massacred 49 people at an Orlando gay club is said to have been ‘repulsed’ by homosexuality, he nonetheless left behind a slew of self-adoring ‘selfies’; a handsome man gazing enchantedly at his own face. It is therefore acceptable for him to lovingly admire his own maleness, but it is not OK for other men to like other men. Does Islamic scripture say it is fitting for a man to sit alone taking adoring photographs of himself? I doubt it.


Unfortunately, CNN obliged the gunman once again with a flashing flood of publicity – which is all he ever wanted, and which will encourage the next shooter to prepare for international fame. Why show the gunman’s face? Nobody needs to see it.

Related: Morrissey Rescues Elderly Woman Who Collapsed At NYC’s Legendary Strand Bookstore

On Donald Trump (who, in perhaps not his shrewdest witticism, he refers to as “Donald Thump” throughout):

Meanwhile, Donald Thump, probably America’s next President, reacts to the Orlando massacre by explaining how, if the people within the club were themselves armed with guns, then there would have been fewer casualties. This, of course, is his way of avoiding any words of support to the Orlando gay community (it is their own fault for going into a nightclub without hand grenades). Donald Thump would therefore probably claim that the massacred children of Sandy Hook would still be alive today if only they’d had the common sense to carry sawn-off shotguns to school. The Thump response to Orlando is therefore anti-gay and pro-gun possession. Ann Coulter will be waving her baseball cap and cheering. It’s all going so well for America!


Thump’s only achievement so far is in making Sarah Palin seem intelligent, which, admittedly, is so difficult as to be a colossal strike in his favor.

On Bernie Sanders vs. the presumptive nominees:

Bernie Sanders has been pushed out by the media because the idea of a self-made man who does not crave international war is completely alien to such as Fox News. The idea of a man who is popular because he calls for world peace and for rescue of the environment cannot provide outraged headlines for CNN, who have devoted their online news page to Donald Thump long before Thump was even a logical contender. Thump doing absolutely nothing has been more newsworthy to CNN than Sanders’ state-to-state victories.
Ballot papers for 2016 should include a NO CONFIDENCE IN EITHER NOMINEE box, and it is this box that would collect the most votes.
Clinton and Thump may be popular with the party faithful – but the party faithful aren’t that large, and are not America, therefore a sad day looms in November – a day that only Bernie Sanders could have saved – had he been allowed his rightful share of media support. But, clearly, the presidential election really is none of your business. Did you ever seriously think it was?

Derek de Koff
Derek de Koff


Leave a comment

Comments will be approved before showing up.

Also in Think

“Straight” Guy Can’t Get No Satisfaction (Or Responses) On Gay Hookup Sites. What’s The Prob?

by Derek de Koff October 26, 2016

He believes very strongly that he played his cards just right and should be up to his neck in acts of fellatio. But no. A hapless young chap lays out his tale of woe on Reddit, and it’s a tawdry tale about looking for love in all the right places and still winding up alone — [...]

Continue Reading →

Watch Trump’s Hollywood Walk Of Fame Star Get Destroyed… With An Ax

by Jeff Taylor October 26, 2016

A man dressed as a construction worker and wielding a sledgehammer and pickax made short work of Donald Trump‘s Hollywood Walk of Fame star on Wednesday morning, leaving it an unrecognizable mess. It now lay in ruins, much like Trump’s campaign. Sparks flew as it was beaten as badly as the man himself in the three presidential [...]

Continue Reading →

Gay Ex-Mormons Are Livid Over LDS’s Official New “Mormon And Gay” Website

by Derek de Koff October 26, 2016

File under “Losing My Lunch Religion”: So The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints released an official “Mormon and Gay” website this week, and ex-Mormons are rightly freaking out about it. Your official rage will no doubt begin shortly after perusing the Frequently Asked Questions section, which opens with “Why Use the Term ‘Same-Sex [...]

Continue Reading →