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Pokémon Go Is Officially More Popular Than Internet Porn, Because Life Is Evil

by Derek de Koff July 13, 2016

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It was only a matter of time, but it took no time at all: Since its release on July 6, Pokémon Go has officially become more popular than Internet porn.

First it took over your Facebook feed. Then, it drank your friend’s souls. Now, it’s making pornography its little bitch.

Adult website xHamster.com reports the top search on their site is Pokémon porn.

Related: The Hot Gay Sex Scene Embedded In This Dragon Video Game

“In the last 5 days we have seen a giant shift in porn searches,” says XHampster.com spokesman Alex Hawkins. “Our top searches which usually consist of ‘MILF,’ ‘Teen,’ and ‘Interracial’ have been replaced with ‘Pokémon,’ ‘Pikachu,’ ‘Hentai,’ and ‘Anime’. Anime has become our #1 accessed genre over the weekend with the booming popularity of Pokémon Go.”

Related: Sexy Gay Video Games Are Quickly Becoming More Of A Thing

And according to a statement from YouPorn:

[YouPorn] is giving Pokémon Go its very own badge for its recent conquering of the internet, as well as the hearts and minds of Americans. In Pokemon you earn badges for defeating gym leaders. YouPorn concedes the Wood Badge to Nintendo for dethroning porn as a top search term.”

The implications are troubling. Perhaps even infuriating.

In further news: As a species, we now must grapple with the fact that Pokémon Go aficionados are using the decidedly phallic Diglett Pokémon, and using him towards their own devious ends: Namely, dick pics.

To sum up: All is doom. All is darkness.




Derek de Koff
Derek de Koff

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