Rogue One is still months away from tickling the fancies of intergalactic audiences, but there’s another rogue operation at work here on Planet Earth. This one involves the juicy saga of one of history’s most famous pop princesses, so naturally we’re going to follow every twist and turn along the way.
Britney Spears, the world’s best-paid drag queen, is getting the Lifetime Movie treatment. And because a lot has happened to Brit over the years, the film will reportedly be packed with two full hours of drama. Someone start making popcorn now — we’re going to need a lot of it. It’ll be called Britney, because what else could it be called?
But Britney — the real Britney (Side note: who is the real Britney, anyways? Something to ponder on sleepless nights…) — is not on board, which makes the whole project all the more alluring. “Britney Spears will not be contributing in any way, shape or form to the Lifetime biopic nor does it have her blessing,” her management told TIME in an email.
Here are some moments that Britney and her team will not be helping to bring (back) to life:
1. The time she became the world’s most lusted-after jailbait.
2. The time she went to the VMAs dressed as a leather dominatrix.
3. The time she made out with Auntie Madge.
4. The gift of K-Fed.
5. The haircut heard ’round the world.
6. The inevitable public breakdown to follow.
7. The comeback.
8. “Toxic,” which deserves its own special mention. (Side note: the song was basically written by Miike Snow, so there’s that.)
9. The Vegas experience.
10. Another comeback?
Natasha Bassett (Hail, Caesar!) will star as Spears in Britney, set to hit a television near you in 2017.
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