A guy on Reddit says he and his boyfriend have never had sex and maybe never will, but they’re still head over heels for one another.
“Alright,” the post begins, “so my boyfriend of 3+ months and I have not had sex. I’m 23, he’s 22. I’m his first, and I haven’t dated since high school and I barely consider that a relationship so I would say he’s my first too.”
Young love. Cute.
“About a month into it he tried to initiate but I stopped him because I felt it was too soon,” the guy explains. “He told me that meant a lot to him because it showed that I truly love and care about him.”
“I’ve had my share of hooking up, so it’s not like I’m repulsed by [it] or not experienced,” he continues, “I think the difference between him, and the guys I’ve hooked up with, is that we actually share an emotional intimacy that extends beyond physicality.”
So what’s the problem? Well, the guys, says, “because I feel so close to him at that level, I feel like sex would or could possibly damage our relationship.”
“I guess that may also be due to the fact that I’ve never experienced [it] as an act of love,” he adds, “and all it’s left me feeling is empty and used at times.”
He goes on to explain that they do kiss and cuddle and hold hands, but that’s it.
“I see him as my best friend,” he writes, “and quite frankly I don’t want to ‘f*ck’ my best friend.”
About a month ago, he brought the issue up with his boyfriend. Specifically, he says he asked him: “Do you think it’s weird that as a gay couple we haven’t had sex, and are you okay with that?”
A “philosophical discussion” ensued, and ended with both guys agreeing that they did not want to have sex with one another, nor did they want to have sex with anyone else. In other words, they have agreed to a sexless and monogamous yet still very loving relationship.
“Maybe someday we will, maybe we won’t,” the guy continues. “But right now, what matters most to me is continuing to get to know him and build a solid foundation with him. He means so much to me, and I’ve never felt more loved and cared for.”
“To me,” he says, “being gay isn’t all about sex.”
He concludes: “I don’t know why I’m writing this, I guess I’m just venting because it hurts me like hell when I’m told I don’t love him or he doesn’t love me because we don’t f*ck.”
Naturally, other Reddit users had lots to say about this.
“To be honest, it sounds like you have ‘ruined’ sex for yourself,” one person responds. “Many gays don’t even realize that having casual hookups will ruin what sex means for them. Give it time. Real, intimate sex is amazing.”
“For me sex is the least important in a relationship,” another person adds. “There are so much more important things.”
“I’m asexual so that’s exactly what I want,” a third person says, “a relationship with no sex. … You do you.”
“I’ve been with my guy for 2.5 years and we still haven’t had sex,” a fourth person confesses.
What do you think of this couple’s decision not to have sex with one another or anyone else? How would do you in that sort of situation? Share your thoughts in the comments section below…
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