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Woman Panics Upon Realizing Her Last Five Boyfriends Have All Been Lactose Intolerant, Gay, Or Both

by Graham Gremore August 18, 2016


Statistics. Too many of them can drive a person crazy. Which is precisely what appears to be happening to one young woman on Reddit.

“All of my past boyfriends have been lactose intolerant,” she writes in a recent thread, “and a statistically confusing amount have later come out as gay.”

Related: Bromantic Dilemma: What Happens When A Straight Guy Falls In Love With Another Straight Guy?

The woman goes on to cite a finding by the Physicians Committee of Responsible Medicine that 25 percent of Americans (50 million people in total) cannot properly digest dairy.

“It’s weird to date five people and have ALL of them be lactose intolerant,” she writes. “I get that it’s not globally strange, but it is bizarre on a national level.”

As for the “statistically confusing amount” of gay men she’s dated, that’s more than she can process right now. For the moment, she just needs to know, “What odd patterns or coincidences do you see in your dating history?”

Related: Climate Determines Whether You Are A Top Or A Bottom

Turns out, she’s not alone in her unusual relationship patterns.

“None of my ex-girlfriends was lactose intolerant,” one man responds, “but four of them dated girls right after me. (Without dating any girls before me.) After a while it kinda gets to you, even though you know that you’re (probably) not the reason.”

“Every girl I have dated has been bisexual, and about half have come out as gay,” another man says. “My mom thinks it’s a thing I look for, but I don’t.”

“Most of my boyfriends have admitted being bisexual at some point,” a woman writes. “Both guys that I have chased and ones that have approached me.”

Related: What Exactly Is The Protocol After Hooking Up With A Straight Guy?

But the patterns don’t stop there.

“I’m 28,” a woman writes. “I’ve slept with four people and all of them either identified as a trans woman then or later came to identify as one. I’m retroactively a gold star lesbian!”

“Probably about 80% of the men I’ve had sex with completely disappeared and we’re never heard from again,” another woman says.

“I kept dating people who all worked for the same bank,” another person says. “Not the same branch, of course.”

Related: While Camping, This Guy Hooked Up With His Friend. Now? Radio Silence.

“Both my elementary school boyfriend and my middle school boyfriend later went to Brown for college and came out as gay,” a woman writes. “I guess my affection is correlated with success and queerness.”

“My first boyfriend had my brother’s name,” someone else says. “The last two have my dad’s name. I try not to think about it.”

“I have had five boyfriends with cancer,” another person adds. “Could be the region (dubbed ‘cancer valley’), but it’s a higher number than my friends.”

What bizarre patterns have you noticed in your own dating history? Share them in the comments section below…

Graham Gremore
Graham Gremore


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