By Henry Amador-Batten
So my husband and I have been struggling over which one of us should carry our next child.
It makes perfect sense, from the outside, that I should carry the baby, after all I am already home with our first son.
It would be much easier on the family and our day to day routines if it were me but my husband would really like the chance to finally give birth himself. Either way we will be deciding soon as we are nearly ready to move forward.
We recently located the donor sperm we have been dreaming of from an amazing company on the West Coast. The donor sounds and looks perfect. He is hispanic like me but taller like Joel. He loves to read, as does my husband. He has naturally curly hair like our son and has a great IQ. He is well educated with a masters in astrophysics. Needless to say, we are beyond excited!
The cost for 5-cc’s of his washed sperm ( were told that 5-cc’s is a lot ) was just under $700.00 and we also paid $40.00 more for his baby picture.He was the cutest baby and actually resembled our little man. We chose him out of all the donors on their site and if he wasn’t already perfect enough he has only donated a few times and won’t be doing it any longer.
That way we can be assured that our child wouldn’t possibly be one of 50 or more siblings conceived by donor 3022 (not his real id number).
Were still not sure if we are going to use our specialist for the insemination or just go old school with the turkey baster.
Our doctor will charge us roughly $500 for the insemination but all that goes up if we don’t get pregnant the first time.
Thanks to Obama Care we finally have great family insurance but the cost of IUI is not covered for gay men.I also happened to find a great stainless turkey baster for only $12.00 at KitchenWorks so that’s certainly more cost effective.
My husband hates the idea of the baster, to impersonal he says, but I have to admit I find the idea rather quaint and homey, right?
We had also considered asking a really good friend of ours to be the donor but after a long conversation over dinner (our treat) he said he wasn’t sure that he could just be “uncle dan.”
We’ve asked him to think about it and let us know but it’s unlikely.
We do have another friend we could ask but he’s not exactly what we are looking for physically and since we have the chance and freedom to choose, why not.
Anyway, we do have a bit of time.
We can have the sperm shipped within 48 hours once we decide and it really is nice to have so many, many options.
Okay, so I’m obviously pulling your leg.
We are two gay men and regardless of the visual the turkey baster may have given you it would certainly not result in a pregnancy.
I really felt the need to finally write about how I sometimes feel such jealously for those that can have children easily.This is not meant to poke fun at those unable to conceive or those that have had difficulties with IVF. It is a simple testament to the difficult and tumultuous road gay men must travel to have their families.
With private adoptions costing $40-$50-$60,000.00 and up and domestic surrogacy hitting $100,000.00 or higher you can see why so many of us have had to take out second and third mortgages and depleted savings to finally become fathers.
International surrogacy is becoming increasingly risky and even trying to adopt on state levels via foster care comes with it’s own set of problems for the average couple, never mind gay couples. Lord knows if the expenses for Joel and I were anywhere near what I touched on above we would literally have a house full of children.
So next time you see a gay couple in your grocery store or at the park or in church or wherever, stop for a moment and just imagine what they went through to make that happen.
Realize that there was no accident there, that the sacrifice and the struggle was real.
Give them a smile and acknowledge their triumph for a triumph it indeed is.
And finally, remember, If that family owns a turkey baster It’s probably only used in November, just like yours.
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Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian
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