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20 White Elephant Gifts Any Parent Would Love

by S Ralph December 09, 2015

By: Shannon Ralph

1. Awkward Family Photos 2016 Day-to-Day Calendar


What better way to combat the torment of spending the holidays with your family than to giggle at the expense of other poor souls subjected to painfully awkward family encounters?

2. The Official BS Button

BS Button

Call bullshit on your teen when he starts to think he is smarter than you!

3. WTF Nifty Notes

WTF Notes

We all think (say?) it at least once (or a dozen times?) a day. These notes will help you effectively communicate the source of your bewilderment when mere words fail you.

4. Wired Wyatt’s Caffeinated Maple Syrup


For those mornings when coffee alone just won’t cut it!

5. Cookin’ with Coolio Cookbook


One of the most dreaded questions in all of parenthood is the ubiquitous “What’s for dinner?” Coolio, The Ghetto Gourmet, to the rescue!

6. Superhero Knee Socks

Superhero socks

It takes a special kind of superhero to whisk a screaming toddler out of Target in a single bound. Display your status proudly!

7. Instant Excuse Ball

Excuse Ball

Too tired for a playdate? Can’t fathom another PTA meeting? Need 5 minutes to pee in peace? The Instant Excuse Ball has your back!

8. Random Crap Tote Bag

random crap

Finally! Someplace other than your purse or your pocket to store all the broken restaurant crayons and dried markers and half-eaten granola bars and booger-filled tissues and wet underwear and dirty socks and hand sanitizer and used wipes and previously chewed gum and all the other random crap you manage to accumulate as a parent!

9. Booger Barn

Booger barn

I learned many, many years ago to never accept anything my child hands me without close inspection first. Now you can “dispose of your boogers the proper and discreet way by putting them in the Barn and then, if needed, you can wipe your finger on the high quality felt pad under the lid.” Wow.

10. The Prescription Coffee Mug

prescription mug

Don’t even try to pretend that you are not highly medicated at this very moment!

11. You Are Late Watch

Late Watch

You’re a parent. Your expertise in cat-herding notwithstanding, there’s a pretty good chance you are running late.

12. Self-Therapy Flashcards

Therapy Flashcards

Give your beloved children a head start on the therapy you will inevitably be paying for a few years down the road.

13. Zombie Undead Sleep Mask

zombie sleep mask

If begging and pleading doesn’t work, perhaps abject terror will finally persuade your children to let you sleep in past 5:46 A.M. on a Saturday morning.

14. World’s Okayest Cook T-shirt

world's okayest cook

We’ll give you props for trying, but let’s be honest, you are no Betty Crocker. Coolio may not even be able to help you. But that’s okay. You can rock frozen chicken nuggets like no one’s business! Own it. Wear it.

15. Muppets Beaker Mouse Pad


Because we all know this look. We’ve all been there.

16. Wine Bottle Glass

wine glass

Because….some days…

17. Meh Ornament


There are moments when simply no other word will suffice.

18. This Apron


Because truer words have never been emblazoned an article of culinary outerwear.

19. Uh-Oh…Emergency Underpants

Emergency Underpants

Any woman who has experienced the indescribable joy of an 8-pound fetus break-dancing on her bladder for months on end will appreciate the value of this little gift.

20. Sleeping In T-shirt

sleeping in

Okay, let’s be honest. The zombie sleep mask WILL fail.

The post 20 White Elephant Gifts Any Parent Would Love appeared first on The Next Family.

S Ralph
S Ralph


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