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Spotlight Series: Two Moms Amber and Kristen

by The Next Family October 27, 2015

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The Next Family:  How did you meet?
Amber: I moved to Texas in September of 2006 and met Kristen in November through a mutual friend and things just fell into place.  We started dating February 2nd, 2007.
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The Next Family:  When did you decide you wanted to have kids?
Amber: At the very beginning of our relationship we talked about having children because that was going to be a deal breaker for me. If she didn’t want kids, then I wouldn’t have pursued a relationship with her.  I used to want 10 kids, but now 9 years later, I am okay with 2 or 3.  We wanted to start having children once my education was complete (I graduated with a masters in May 2013), my career had started, and our house was built. After all of that took place, we started the process.
The Next Family: Where do you live?
Amber: We live in Fort Worth Texas

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The Next Family:  I know you have struggled with the process of trying to have children. Could you tell us about it?
Amber: So we started with the task of finding a donor in December 2013.  We went through countless Cryo banks and profiles and finally settled on Cryos International New York.  Upon settling with them (the pricing was most affordable), we went through profiles, trying to find someone that resembled my wife Kristen.  We found a donor after 6 months and setup the initial IUI consultation with an OBGYN out of Dallas that was referred to us by our friends who had recently had a baby using the same process and doctor.
Before we could do the first IUI we had to do what is called an HSG test, which would make sure my Fallopian tubes were unblocked and working correctly. This was extremely painful!
Our first IUI was scheduled in July and it failed.  We were crushed. For some reason we thought that it would be magical and work the first time. August came and another IUI was scheduled, and once again, another crushing blow.  The same thing happened in September.
After three failed attempts, we decided to switch donors because we thought that since I wasn’t getting pregnant, it must be the donor.  We found a new donor using the same place and tried another IUI in October using the same doctor, but again no positive results.
At this point we decided to move over to an actual Fertility Specialist that was located in the city that I work in.  We figured that this would be easier for me. While on patrol, I could stop at the doctor’s easily, rather than drive an hour to the previous doctor we had used.  We set up a consultation, which then was followed by a psychological test for the both of us, and a bunch of medical tests for me.
The doctor suggested that we try a couple more IUI’s before moving forward with any other options.  So in November and December, we tried IUI’s with the new doctor and still didn’t get pregnant.  At this point we were devastated. We had put so much money, emotions, and faith into this process.  Not to mention, I was taking so many drugs for the fertility treatments, and the aftermath of what all these procedures were doing to my body wasn’t great. We decided that in January we would take a break and would reevaluate again. 

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I was turning 30 in January 2015, so we decided to go to a cabin in Oklahoma that we go to every winter for a quiet retreat. It was there that we decided to move forward with IVF. We would just have to figure out how to come up with the $16,000 that it would cost. 
We had a doctor’s appointment at the beginning of February and scheduled the egg retrieval for 2-19-2015, which went great. We then had the egg replaced on 2-23-2015, and on 2-27-2015 we had our first positive pregnancy test at home! We couldn’t believe our eyes!  In fact, I continued to take a pregnancy test every day at home until it was time to go to the doctor for blood test results. On 3-4-2015, it was confirmed by the doctor that we were finally pregnant!
 I cried like a big baby because we had gone through so much to even get to that point. I felt so blessed. 
In May, we were on our yearly Destin, Florida, vacation when we got the call about the gender of our child!  It was a boy!  My wife’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree.  It was absolutely the best moment of my entire life!  We were going to be moms to a little man. 
Fast forward to now, and I am 3 weeks away from my delivery date, November 11, 2015. We are ready for this little guy!
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The Next Family:  How did you decide who would carry?
Amber: We decided that I would carry for several reasons. I was the one with health insurance, am healthier, and you could say I’m more girly.
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The Next Family:  Any advice you have for parents-to-be about the baby making process?
Amber: My best advice is to NOT GIVE UP.  Find outlets, find people to talk to.  I went to a blogging board for same-sex couples that were trying to conceive and made a lot of cyber friends that helped me get through our the process.
There are so many resources that you can use.  It is costly, but keep in mind that people are willing to help.  My medication just for IVF was almost $5,000.  I had a bunch of medication left over, so I decided to donate it to other people on the blog that didn’t have the money to buy their medication. It was just going to waste if I didn’t.  Utilize all the resources and tools that there are.  If you need any help and I can help in any way, I am willing to!
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