30% OFF Pride collection code: USAPRIDE! Free Shipping over $99

A Gay Dad Wonders If The More Things Change The More They Stay The Same

by Henry Amador October 20, 2015

By Henry Amador

allies for adoption

So if you have been following our journey to adopt our second child you know that this time we chose to work with the Foster Care system here in our State of North Carolina rather than go with a private adoption like we did to adopt our boy four years ago in Florida.

We went into this adventure with great optimism and hope given the recent changes in laws and the apparent new languages being used in regards to LGBTQ families adopting children, but perhaps the optimism was a tad naive.

Unfortunately I have to report that here we sit, still awaiting a child even though the number of children in the system here in N.C. is staggering.
We are certain there are available children that meet our broad specifications of any race, any gender, aged 0-6, including sibling groups.
The private agency that we licensed with to act as a go between with the State has sent us quite a few files of kids that we are suited for.
And we have said yes to each of them.

Yet, the spare room lies empty.

So what could the problem be? Where is the glitch?

Probably within the State run machines that handle the cases and the files.
Each of these many children, these Wards of the State have their own case workers and it is on these case workers desks that our files land.
These case workers get the job of looking over all the families that have tossed their hats in the ring to hopefully get chosen as the child’s new forever home.

Now we live in the South and not to cast too broad of a stereotypical net but what are the chances that these kind folks that have taken positions of protection over these kids might have a slightly older and more traditional take on what would make a good home for “their” kids?

Is a cross-race placement a good idea to some of the people?
Would they rather keep a black or caucasian or hispanic child with a family that looks like them?
Do many of them still not believe that a child needs and deserves a mother and a father?
Probably.. right?

And with no one really making sure that the families they say yes to are being chosen on more than just appearances, what kind of chances is that going to afford to all of the new gay and lesbian families lining up to become families?

When we are denied for a placement the only reasons given to our agency is that we are not a good fit.
The only thing our side can do for us is to boost our moral, assure us that the next one will be the right one.

I’d love to call BS but I don’t know where to direct that sentiment.
We would literally need proof that we were passed over because we were a same gender family.

We have reached a rather comfortably uncomfortable position where we truly wonder if this is going to happen for us.
Is the State really ready for families like ours?
Are these case workers being given new and updated guidelines on what to do with us?
Are they being held accountable?
Are there Kim Davis like employees empowered with the power to choose a family that simply don’t believe that we are a family?

I’d like to run into the office and demand the answers but that is extremely unlikely.
The State is not too keen on answering questions like that or explaining its decisions to the common folk are they?

So for now we sit and we wait and we have to wonder if the more things change, the more they stay the same.

The post A Gay Dad Wonders If The More Things Change The More They Stay The Same appeared first on The Next Family.

Henry Amador
Henry Amador


Leave a comment

Comments will be approved before showing up.

Also in Parenting

Modern Fitness For the Modern Parent

by The Next Family March 25, 2016


Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian

By Laura King

Life can get busy. With work, kids, family commitments, friends, chores, and the general chaos of everyday life, it can be near impossible at times to sit down for a cup of tea, let alone squeeze in an hour of exercise regularly. However, all things are possible if you set your mind to them. Those that prioritize their fitness nearly...

Continue Reading →

Estate Planning: The Basics For LGBT Families

by The Next Family March 25, 2016

With the passage of marriage equality last year, laws have been quickly changing across the United States. LGBT couples with or without children weren’t just given the right of marriage, they were provided new protections and benefits within their families. All of a sudden, LGBT couples and families had to figure out how to file jointly when it came to taxes, how to add...

Continue Reading →

Representation of Modern Families in Kid-Friendly Entertainment

by The Next Family March 24, 2016 1 Comment


By Alex Temblador

I recently wrote an article for The Next Family called, “Family-Friendly Films That Feature Adoption and Foster Care,” that shared wonderful family films with adoption or foster care story lines. My reasoning behind doing so was because every family deserves a chance to see similar families like theirs represented in various forms of entertainment.

The same can be said of other...

Continue Reading →