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Book For Gay Dads: ‘Which One Of You Is The Mother?’

by The Next Family September 04, 2015

By Brandy Black

Which One of You is the Mother?

After fifteen years of up-all-night gay disco dance parties, Sean O’Donnell and his longtime partner Todd decided to trade in their leather chaps for mom jeans and start a family. In August 2012 the not-so ambiguously gay duo walked into a Pittsburgh-based adoption agency and said, “We’d like a child, please.” For the next several months they attended parenting classes, subjected themselves to probing FBI background checks, and completed enough paperwork to reforest the whole of the Amazon River basin. 

After all that, Sean O’Donnell decided to write a book about their experiences, called Which One Of You Is the Mother? This book was released last month and is based on life with his adoptive sons and some of the silly questions people ask two dads.

Brandy: How did your book come about?

Sean: About 2 years ago my husband and I adopted our first son, he’s 7 and this past January we adopted our 2nd son, he’s 5.  We had a lot of funny things happen through our story, people not knowing what to make of this new kind of family. Everyone was happy for us but you got the feeling that people weren’t quite sure what the protocol was.  One day this woman asked me “which one of you is the mother?”, I laughed and then she asked me again and I realized she was serious.  And that got me thinking about how people were perceiving us, then I started writing a blog about how we are navigating having a family with 2 dads in a world where mostly everyone has heterosexual parents.

Brandy: Does the book give advice?

Sean: It’s funny layered in with some advice.  I talk about the adoption process and what that was like for us.  It is certainly not a “how to adopt” book, more humorous and anecdotal.

Brandy: How was the adoption process?

Sean: I encourage everyone to adopt if it’s something on their radar.  It is the best thing we ever did, it is just such an amazing experience and there are so many kids out there who really need homes.  It’s intimidating but not as hard as you think it may be.  We didn’t even think we could adopt, we thought they wouldn’t allow two men in Pennsylvania to legally adopt a child.  When we went into the adoption agency we were shocked when they said we could adopt.  We took the classes like all the other parents, we did the certifications, background checks and it took about 9 months from the time we decided until we had our oldest son living with us, it was like a pregnancy.

The book is out on Amazon, check it out.

gay dads

The post Book For Gay Dads: ‘Which One Of You Is The Mother?’ appeared first on The Next Family.

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