I had a plan for my life. I left high school with a scholarship to work on being the first generation college educated in my family. All that weight on my shoulders to succeed. I knew I would meet my husband in college and get married after graduation and have a few kids. You make plans and god laughs. Other than graduated with a BA none of those other plans happened. My life turned into a series of relationships some good, some bad, every one with an ultimate demise for one reason or another. I joined the online dating generation in 1995 and turned into a serial dater for almost 15 years.
I feel everyone comes with their own brand of crazy. I couldn’t find anyone to deal with mine and I definitely found some I wouldn’t deal with. So the single road was a big part of my life. I didn’t mind being single. I am an only child; I can find ways to entertain myself. I wanted a man in my life, but I didn’t need one.
I moved to Atlanta in my mid-twenties. Boston felt like two degrees of separation. I hated knowing everyone. I wanted to reinvent myself and that is exactly what I did. I partied like it was 1999. I lived a very casual life in every sense of the word. I had a college degree, a job and disposable income. Life was mine and the man would have to come and find me. I was convinced of that fact, another lie I told myself. As you see facing reality was not my strong suit. My 35th birthday showed up out of nowhere and I had many more relationship failures to my credit. I couldn’t believe I was that old. I was over the partying and casual relationships. I wanted a husband and baby, in that order. I still have time. More lies!
My neighbor was turning 40 and told me to research having a baby as a single woman. She knew I had a blog and YouTube channel. She thought it would be an interesting topic for me and could help her on her journey. I in no way thought this would be me. My man was coming. I prayed for him. I put his essence on a vision board. I had faith. I had many things to convince myself that my single life would end shortly.
I called a friend and she connected me to a woman who had two children by herself. She was a lesbian which enlightened me that finding a woman was just as hard as a man. Her eggs couldn’t wait. Still in gathering information mode, my neighbor and I went to the single mother by choice meeting in Atlanta. This is where my eyes opened and I mean wide. I walked into this woman’s house where everyone was seated. A few had children, a few pregnant and few not. I went in for information and walked out a on a mission to have a baby. First I learned that all white women do not get married. I been in several conversations where that is the assumption. The room majority was white women. One black woman besides my neighbor and I and an Indian woman. I was beyond shocked. The common denominator of these women, they were educated with very good jobs. The conversation lingered into not waiting for a man to have a baby, old eggs, diminishing fertility by 35, and the trials and tribulations of getting pregnant.
I was never a baby person. A lot of women are obsessed with babies. That has never been me. In the same breath I always felt I would be a mother. When it looked like motherhood could be taken away from me, the realization that I could find a husband anytime but there was a time limit on a baby hit me all at once. Devastation and immediate action needed to be taken.
Monique’s single mom by choice is documented on her YouTube channel. Check it out.
The post Single Mother By Choice: You Make Plans and God Laughs! appeared first on The Next Family.
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Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian
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