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A Gay Dad, Hoping To Adopt, Questions His Choices.

by Henry Amador April 08, 2015

By Henry Amador


Our family is hoping to grow.
My husband would have enough kids to have our own baseball team.
Me? I’m happy with our one but I also know how happy our son would be with a sibling or two, so I have secretly come to terms with the idea of three children.

I don’t know, three feels more organic than the usual two and through.
Three brings to mind some familiar Feng Shui principles, most notably the “rules of three and odd numbers.”

I know, strange thoughts about children right?
Which leads into the real gist of my point, having choices.

We are hoping to adopt through the foster care system.
We have reached the point on our journey where we will get a forwarded email about an available child.

I goes something like this;
I will be out and about with our son just going through our daily routine when my phone will alert me with the lovely “bamboo” chime that I’ve assigned to emails.
I’ll open it up and there will be an email that our caseworker has forwarded us, (the subject line might say.. let me know..or..FYI) an email that has been forwarded to countless caseworkers in our area and thus to even more countless families, just like us, all wanting the same thing, a child.
I’ll open the attachment and quickly look at a child’s photo, if there is one.
I’ll read whatever info the state might have, if they have any, It will have age, sex and race and sometimes that’s all.
It may have a good amount of info, like how long they have been in the system, why they went into the system, if they were abused, if they are “healthy”, if bio parents are around or incarcerated, if they have siblings.
I’ll quickly forward the email to my husband and then follow up with a text for him to check his mailbox, NOW.
He will take a look, forward me his questions and concerns and then I respond to our caseworker with a yes, no or we need more clarification.

This all usually happens within 10 minutes.

My point is that saying yes or no to a child, having that choice, is an extremely surreal experience.
There’s this feeling that you have to say yes, quickly or someone else will.

I remember years ago when I was house hunting just before that infamous bubble blew I would get a listing emailed to me from my Realtor, he would say that the property was going on the market tomorrow and that I should make an offer today.
I’d ask if I could see the house first and he would say, no, no time, decide now.

Please don’t think that I am comparing a child to a house, but the technical similarities and the urgency in which a response is required make me feel the same.

If we were expecting a child traditionally, or via surrogacy, you get what you get right?
I mean there are no guarantees either way but adopting through foster care gives us time to think and imagine what a good fit might be.
We can discuss how many kids, race, gender.
We get to say, newborn? out of diapers?
We get to wait for siblings.
I get to apply eastern principles to my thinking.
We get to say yes or no to a scared and needy child.

It’s not in just in God’s hands, it’s in ours as well and that my friends, that ability to choose, is a blessing and a curse all in one.

The post A Gay Dad, Hoping To Adopt, Questions His Choices. appeared first on The Next Family.

Henry Amador
Henry Amador


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