By Meika Rouda
I am not a fan of New Year’s Resolutions because I always break them but I do resolve this year to get my shit together. I am going to wrap my brain around all those little knit picky things that keep taunting me and eliminate them from my consciousness by taking care of business. TCB- Follow through- completion, these are my 2015 buzz words. Because I have all these things that keep me up at night, poking at me like an insatiable woodpecker. Things that deep down inside make me hate myself. Like that pile of mail that never shrinks no matter how many times I go through it and throw things away. Or the stack of photographs on my desk that I planned to put into an album 4 years ago. The journaling of my children’s lives I haven’t caught up on- all the things the journal is missing like the first lost tooth or first day of preschool.
I will make a TO DO list and add that to my list. I will make shopping lists with meals all worked out per week like those organized moms I fantasized I would be. Or when I go to the Container Store and stay there for 2 hours but leave without buying anything because it is too overwhelming, instead I will have a list and leave the store fulfilled. The thought of all my drawers with specific places for everything, a little box for my hair bands, which I can never find when I need one, or container to put the 10 hairbrushes I have acquired for no good reason. A place for my socks to be all lined up like little solders ready for battle. It would be like Xanadu for me but when can I do that? I will put that on my list is what I will do and give myself a generous deadline like by the end of the year. Totally organized drawers by the end of the year. That seems reasonable. Sort of like my wedding album I never put together and I’ve been married thirteen years now. A stack of negatives (yes it was so long ago people still used film!) those negatives are just waiting to be printed and by the time I get around to it there probably won’t even be a place to print film anymore.
Or what about the sweaters I have been meaning to hand wash because that is what the label says, HAND WASH. Why do I buy things that need to be hand washed? I am never going to do that. All of the cute shirts I buy that have to be laid flat to dry end up in the dryer anyway and shrink to a size my 4 year old daughter can wear so why do I keep buying them? I know myself don’t I? I know I won’t take the time to separate the laundry and pull out the no dryer items so why do I buy them? Screw it, I am only buying oversized from now on so if it shrinks no big deal and that oversize tunic look is in right? And then I will tackle my kid’s room and put the toys in their right places. All the legos will be together by set so I won’t have to spend a hour searching for the one tiny black wheel that is missing and renders the lego car unusable. The room will be orderly, art supplies in a bin, books lines up by subject and author. It will be a dream room, like the ones in kids catalogs where you know there is no way a kid really lives in that room.
Once I get rid of these things, I can focus on more important issues like how to succeed in a career that can also allow me to be home in the afternoons with the kids, or to finish the book I started writing 4 years ago. I need to get rid of all the distractions in my life so I can focus. Don’t we all? Now what else can I put on my list?
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Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian
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