By: Shannon Ralph
Since having children, I have said some pretty crazy things. Strings of words come out of my mouth on a daily basis that defy all reason and logic. The phrase, “Snorkels aren’t made for penises” immediately comes to mind. And “Stand still while I lick it off.” On more than one occasion, I’ve uttered the phrase, “Give me that booger right now.”
It’s mind-boggling, really, how parenthood changes all pre-conceived notions of what is socially acceptable to say to another human being. It is a sacred duty to nurture and mold a helpless, squirming infant from birth to adulthood. In our sincere desire to raise our children to be adults who do not lick their own armpits, we suffer through numerous cringe-worthy conversations with our children. Words fly from our lips that baffle our minds and confound our sense of self.
Who is this woman who hasn’t bathed in three days? Who talks about poop at dinner parties? And spits on her children to clean their faces? Who is this raving madwoman with boogers in one hand and a half-eaten dog biscuit pried from the mouth of her adorably tenacious toddler in the other? Where did she come from? And did she honestly just tell her young daughter that the Tooth Fairy got drunk last night and forgot to visit?
Yes, we mothers say some crazy things.
There are, however, certain words no mother would ever utter. Certain phrases no mother would ever consider saying aloud. Below are 21 things I can guarantee you NO mother would ever say:
Photo Credit: Flickr image/ Dave Bleasdale
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Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian
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