30% OFF Pride collection code: USAPRIDE! Free Shipping over $99

Twin Toddlers Respond To Their Mama’s Christmas List

by Amber Leventry December 03, 2014

By: Amber Leventry

twin trouble

We read Mama’s Christmas list. A lot of her wish list seemed to involve relief from us, her, if not perfect, very charming twin boys. We weren’t born yesterday, Santa. Mama’s suggestions were not suggestions. We’ve had 18 months to learn her suggestions are usually passive aggressive ways of making us think we have a choice. Don’t fall for it. Instead, consider our unselfish desires. We don’t want stuff. We have plenty of stuff here. We just want access to it.

Feel free to get Mama some of that booze she asked for. She seems to soften a bit after a beverage or two, which can only benefit all of us. Here is our Christmas list. And remember, this is stuff we already have at our fingertips—all we need is a bit of your Christmas magic.

We want to open every cabinet, drawer, and shelf. We then want to empty every cabinet, drawer, and shelf. And for good measure, we will likely throw or kick every item we have pulled from every cabinet, drawer, and shelf.

We want to climb. Steps, furniture, people. The object is unimportant; we want to reach higher ground.

We want to pull electrical cords out of the wall. We’re happy to plug them back in. Practice makes perfect.

We want to be picked up, held, and snuggled. What part of wailing, whining, and walking around with our arms in the air don’t our mamas understand? We’re tired of buzz words like “cry it out” and “self-sooth”. It’s all garbage. Why don’t our mamas love us, Santa?

We want to play while we are in the bathtub. Sitting nicely and keeping the water in the tub is BORING, with a capital CONTROLLING.

We really want to touch the TV. We also want to play with the remotes.

We really, really want to play in the dog’s water dish. Water play is so confusing. A large table filled with water is fine to splash around in, but a tiny dish is not. It’s like, make up your minds, Ladies.

Speaking of water play, we want to play in the toilet. And we still love those little white covers on the bolts at the bottom of the toilet. If they are not meant to be played with, then why do they come off?

We want whatever our big sister has. The smaller the object, the better.

We want the Christmas tree. The lights. The little, toddler-sized toys hanging from its branches. The water at the bottom. The shiny, paper-wrapped presents underneath. We want it all.

We really mean it; we don’t want or need stuff. We simply want the freedom to touch and manipulate the things around us. Between all of the rules, our cribs, and the endless supply of gates in this house, it feels like we live in a prison. Put up some cameras and call this Toddler is the New Black. This is our house too, and we want royalties.

Merry Christmas, Santa!

Ben and Ryan

Ben and Ryan in front of Christmas Tree Gate


Top Photo Credit: Lotus Carroll

The post Twin Toddlers Respond To Their Mama’s Christmas List appeared first on The Next Family.

Amber Leventry
Amber Leventry


Leave a comment

Comments will be approved before showing up.

Also in Parenting

Modern Fitness For the Modern Parent

by The Next Family March 25, 2016


Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian

By Laura King

Life can get busy. With work, kids, family commitments, friends, chores, and the general chaos of everyday life, it can be near impossible at times to sit down for a cup of tea, let alone squeeze in an hour of exercise regularly. However, all things are possible if you set your mind to them. Those that prioritize their fitness nearly...

Continue Reading →

Estate Planning: The Basics For LGBT Families

by The Next Family March 25, 2016

With the passage of marriage equality last year, laws have been quickly changing across the United States. LGBT couples with or without children weren’t just given the right of marriage, they were provided new protections and benefits within their families. All of a sudden, LGBT couples and families had to figure out how to file jointly when it came to taxes, how to add...

Continue Reading →

Representation of Modern Families in Kid-Friendly Entertainment

by The Next Family March 24, 2016 1 Comment


By Alex Temblador

I recently wrote an article for The Next Family called, “Family-Friendly Films That Feature Adoption and Foster Care,” that shared wonderful family films with adoption or foster care story lines. My reasoning behind doing so was because every family deserves a chance to see similar families like theirs represented in various forms of entertainment.

The same can be said of other...

Continue Reading →