This past Friday my wife and I did something we said we wouldn’t do. We accepted placement on a sixth child. You know how heterosexual couples are at that point where they have had as many children as they planned and then get accidentally pregnant and have their “oops” baby. This is our oops baby.
We got a call from the supervisor of the Foster agency, she knew how to play us right. She came at us with the line “she is homeless, she was neglected and abused, you are the ones that can help her the most”. So of course, this is our oops baby that we did not plan on having but couldn’t say no, we had to find a way to make this work.
We even saw a local news video of when she was removed from the home with both bios being arrested a year ago and still in prison currently. This child should have been dead twice and is still going strong. She is 2 years old, born at only 1 pound, she wasn’t suppose to make it. Then after 1 year being hospitalized after birth, she was neglected and abused. She is our little miracle we never knew we wanted.
There was concerns immediately, are we taking on too much?!?! Our marriage has to come first. If you have 1 child or 6 children, we hear about couples fighting or not getting along over a choice you made to have these children. We hear often that couples are in counseling or contemplating divorce, every thing was fine before kids. What I have found is our marriage is better now with children than before we had kids. Maybe it’s because all of our children have a sad story…2 are special needs, 2 sexual abused, 1 even with an std from the abuse that was endured. Maybe it’s because we just wanted kids so badly, regardless we are on the same team. Truthfully we don’t even have time to argue. Especially when we are putting up our tough mom faces during the day, to then cry behind closed doors of what we are helping our kids deal with. We are the center of all the heart ache that goes on in our house, we have to be strong, together. If we were not on the same side with every little thing, our family would not work.
It also helps financially that we are penny pinchers. To be a Foster parent you need the financial stability. For almost all of our children we only had a few days notice, we don’t get baby showers like most people do. We clip coupons and hit major sales for every thing we buy. We smart shop and cut unnecessary cost to give our children the best life we can. We want to enjoy life and have savings just in case something unexpected happens. We know money is an issue for most families, we refuse to allow that to ever be an issue in this house.
Those 2 things together is how we are doing it. We run a tight ship, yet have to ensure we have as many smiling faces as possible. We learned structure from our first child that is autistic and now structure is our way of life. Each week is the next episode of our reality show. We have so much drama and fight to put up with weekly. We have 5 different stories and battles going on at all times. Without the love and support from our friends and family, believe me, having a sixth would of never been possible. We have a very big support system in all aspects.
Bottom line, when you know that something thrown your way was for a certain reason, you don’t question it. You pick up and do what you have too to make it work. At the end of every day, we are exhausted, we sit back after the kids’ bedtime and sigh. Never once, do we in return, question if we are taking on too much. We can sleep comfortably not regretting where we are in life. Just think, if they weren’t with us, if we weren’t so tired, where would they be? Probably not as safe as they are now!
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Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian
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