By Carol Rood
When I was growing up I always said I would never have children. I have been a babysitter since I was 12. I was a mother’s helper to a nice lady when I was 14. And although I worked with children and liked children I always said I did not want any.
I don’t remember why I said that, I just remember saying it. So much for the memory huh?
Well, then I met my children’s father, and somehow I just knew that I wanted children with him. My biological clock may have been a factor also, as I was 29 when I met him, but I am not sure about how much that influenced my decision.
Recently I realized that as a mother, I have said things I swore I would never say. And have become my mother (in a good way). So for all the moms out there, here is a list of things we say that make no sense, or sound strange, or could be taken COMPLETELY differently in a different context.
“Can I get that boogie out for you?”
“Wow, I didn’t know baby boys had morning wood.”
“I brought you into this world and I can take you out” (always hated that one, but found myself using it)
“Please don’t pull on your brother’s penis”
“Please don’t drink that milk, I worked very hard to make it and it is for my baby.” When I stored small bottles of breast milk in the fridge at work while pumping.
“Why no, I have no idea what that smell is.” (I actually said this when I had cabbage leaves in my bra to help dry up my breast milk after pumping for 9 months. Cabbage doesn’t smell too great when it gets warm.)
“If I step on something and break it as I walk across your room, too bad so sad. Maybe you should pick it up.”
“Because I said so.”
“Stop talking please, I can’t hear myself think.” ummmm, okay??
“Someday you will understand”
“When you have kids, and they do what you are doing now, I am going to laugh my ass off!!’
“As long as you are under my roof you will follow my rules.” (Anyone NOT said this????)
“God gave you a brain, use it.”
“Look it up.” or”google it.”
“Don’t call me unless someone is bleeding or needs to get stitches.”
“You want to run away? Can I pack your stuff for you?”
or for my crabby days:
“You don’t want to live here anymore? Okay, you go the way you came, so leave naked.”
“Let’s play the quiet game.”
“I am not asking, I am telling!”
And one I think I may have been the only mom to say: (as I was standing upstairs and my 17 year old was running his mouth).
“If you don’t stop talking I will jump over this landing ninja style and rip your throat out.”
He stopped talking!
Did I miss any?
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Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian
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