30% OFF Pride collection code: USAPRIDE! Free Shipping over $99

“I Don’t Have a Birthmark Because I Don’t Have a Dad”

by The Next Family June 30, 2014

By Brandy Black

Brandy Black

“Do you and Mom have birthmarks?

“Yes, we both do!”

“Do my brother or sister have one?”

“No, I don’t think any of you have one actually.”

“I know why, because we don’t have a dad.”, my six-year-old daughter says calmly, “all my friends with dads have birthmarks.”

“That’s not actually how it works, and you do have a dad, well a biological father.”


“Yes, well a biological father…”

I try to explain the difference.  She interrupts…

“I have a dad?  Can I meet him?”

Here we begin the start of likely many conversations to come.  I have a velvet brown box, that sits waiting on the top shelf of the closet, for the day when our kids begin asking the tough questions about their bio father.  It has a CD with a 15-minute interview and pages upon pages of information on this man and I am prepared to take it down and share the kindness of this stranger when they are ready.

Today, I sit in the car and slowly explain the difference between a dad and a biological father.  I tell my 6-year-old that she will some day have the opportunity to meet her bio father when she is 18, should it be important to her.  She is most excited that she has something that she thought she didn’t.  We have had many conversations about donors and sperm and eggs but the word dad never came into the picture.

Once she has determined that she too has a “father” of any kind and that her lack of a birthmark has nothing to do with her not having a dad, she moves on and the next topic comes up.  “When do I have a  playdate with Anna?”

I never transition as well, I am rattled, wondering if I handled the conversation smoothly, wishing I had read more blogs on the topic, gotten more advice from friends. As with many things (nursing, potty training, ridding her of the pacifier), she gracefully accepts and moves on. And I sit dumbfounded in the front seat as my wife shuts the gas tank and jumps in the car and life is back to normal.






The post “I Don’t Have a Birthmark Because I Don’t Have a Dad” appeared first on The Next Family.

The Next Family
The Next Family


Leave a comment

Comments will be approved before showing up.

Also in Parenting

Modern Fitness For the Modern Parent

by The Next Family March 25, 2016


Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian

By Laura King

Life can get busy. With work, kids, family commitments, friends, chores, and the general chaos of everyday life, it can be near impossible at times to sit down for a cup of tea, let alone squeeze in an hour of exercise regularly. However, all things are possible if you set your mind to them. Those that prioritize their fitness nearly...

Continue Reading →

Estate Planning: The Basics For LGBT Families

by The Next Family March 25, 2016

With the passage of marriage equality last year, laws have been quickly changing across the United States. LGBT couples with or without children weren’t just given the right of marriage, they were provided new protections and benefits within their families. All of a sudden, LGBT couples and families had to figure out how to file jointly when it came to taxes, how to add...

Continue Reading →

Representation of Modern Families in Kid-Friendly Entertainment

by The Next Family March 24, 2016 1 Comment


By Alex Temblador

I recently wrote an article for The Next Family called, “Family-Friendly Films That Feature Adoption and Foster Care,” that shared wonderful family films with adoption or foster care story lines. My reasoning behind doing so was because every family deserves a chance to see similar families like theirs represented in various forms of entertainment.

The same can be said of other...

Continue Reading →