By Brandy Black
The other day I sat with my three children and the computer and went down blog memory lane. In an effort to find out when we transitioned from crib to toddler bed with our oldest, I took the computer out and began flipping through blogs and pictures. The twins were thrilled to see images of their big sister as a little girl, we read about all the silly questions she had and the funny things she would say. Sophia pointed at the videos and pictures “Look Penn, look Bella, that’s me at your age.”
It got me thinking about how little I document their tales, I have a book for everything on our oldest, a birthday book, travel book, art book, scrap book, photograph books and the twins I think I have one maybe two. I already feel them hating me in therapy years from now! I swore I wouldn’t be that parent. I’m all about fair, everything equal, to the point that I got in a fight with our couple’s therapist years back. I believe in making things as fair as humanly possible. Yet here I sat with the computer on my lap, heartbroken, wondering what stories I will be able to show them.
The truth is, there is a lot of juggling with three kids. Life moves fast at our house and I’m lucky to remember to pay the bills and make sure they get haircuts and clothes. I don’t know how people do it. I envy the parents like John Jericiau, who seem like they have it all together. I need more hours in the day so that I can sit down and write my thoughts, make picture books and take the time to collect memories that will last them forever. If anyone has any advice on the topic, I sure need help.
I guess the twins have many amazing experiences that my oldest didn’t, like being dressed in the mornings by their big sister or learning games and how to spell their names in Japanese and having one another to laugh with each morning. I hear them in the monitor giggling “You funny” Bella says to Penn, laughing. They have the gift of family, one that my wife and I truly fought for and it was a sacrifice, not a loss but a conscience effort to selflessly give our children the gift of siblings.
This is how I talk myself off the ledge, this is how I justify the tough conversations I will have with the twins when they are 10 and want to see all the sweet memory books that I put together for them. Or perhaps you will suddenly see an influx of blogs and images of our twins. “Not sure what happened in the early years kids, but I sure kicked in when you were two.”
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Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian
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