Erin and I have started our journey into the the excitement that is planning a wedding. Before we were engaged we discussed what our “dream wedding” would look like. We each had tons of different ideas that would be cool and it became apparent, very quickly, that we may have some issues on decision making. Compromise isn’t our problem, our issue is that we both want the other to have an amazing wedding and exactly what she wants. Whenever we discuss different ideas, we both love them . . . perhaps because at the end of a big or small, traditional or party-like wedding/reception, we end up married. Maybe we are like the Gift of the Magi, however, my recent hair cut has nothing to do with paying for a Jazz Band
An issue that most engaged couples have (at least those that are paying for their own wedding) is finances . . . add four kids to that equation and it can get tricky. It is hard to discuss paying for 150+ people to eat and drink at your wedding reception when we will soon have 4 sets of braces to pay for, it just doesn’t really make sense financially. As a newly engaged couple, we are excited about the possibilities but as mothers, we are tip toeing on the decision making, mostly because of the cost. Erin and I are really trying to figure out what is important . . . to us, to our kids and our friends and family. If I have learned anything from my first wedding, and about half of my friends, a $30,000+ wedding doesn’t mean the marriage will succeed.
Part of me would be fine with a small celebration but I also want to give Erin the wedding she has always longed for. Her first wedding was a bit of a surprise, where she actually received an invitation to show up. So, I want her to not only be happy and in love “till death do us part” but I also want her to be able to take an active part of planning our wedding and have the day that she has always dreamt about. She is so wonderful, loving, caring, amazing and deserves nothing less.
At this point, and things will probably change, we want it to be a celebration, a party. Erin and I love dancing. Our first date, that wasn’t really a date, was dinner and dancing and so we want dancing to be one of the biggest parts of our night. We are shying away from traditional dinner, where everyone seems segregated by tables and can only chat with the 8-10 people sitting by them. Instead, we think we will be opting for a cocktail party of sorts . . . but more casual. For us, we want it to not just celebrate the six of us becoming a legal family, but we want to celebrate all the people in our lives that have supported us and have celebrated our love. Paying homage to our different circles of friends and family who adore us and have fought for our right to marry. (No we aren’t going to make everyone bring a copy of their ballot to the wedding, although that may help us save some money). I say for now because we have already toyed around with a breakfast for dinner theme (our kids would have loved that), so who knows what could be next.
Speaking of friends, another issue is that we have (along with most engaged people) is the guest list . . . we have a lot of friends that have seen our separate journeys to find each other and are so excited to be a part of our day. Of course, I already discussed finances, which will eliminate some of them from the celebration, but how do you plan your wedding nowadays without Facebooking about it? Erin and I have invited Facebook into our relationship from the get go (ask any of our friends about the constant bombardment of couples photos). Do I create a privacy group and name it “The B list”? We both have already had people commenting about getting an invitation . . . and we don’t want anyone to feel bad but we can’t afford to have everyone who wants to come there. Realistically, we can’t even afford to have everyone we want there . . . so in the days of Social Networking, how do we not hurt someone’s feelings? They know we are engaged, they may have seen our Pinterest boards, they have heard through the grapevine . . . man, this may be the hardest part.
Can Kickstarter be used for weddings?
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Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian
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