By Danny Thomassomething that’s been on my mind
as a parent lately…
as my third baby turns one…
and the others plug along
and go through
all the things a first grader
should go through,
is how different each one of them is,
and how different each of our relationships is…
and I know
it shouldn’t be a surprise.
everyone tells you each kid is different.
and everyone talks about overcoming that expectation.
in the rational mind
it completely makes sense
I have been at a different point in my life
and thus a different person
as each of these children has come in to the world…
and each of them is very distinct
has different needs
and different ways of seeing and being in the world
each of our relationships is ever so distinct.
I can’t fight this feeling
that they should all be getting exactly the same things from me
somehow, by not relating to them in identical ways
and giving them equal and matching gifts,
I am doing them a disservice.
this is all brought to mind, of course,
by the fact that Zuzu,
the baby of the bunch,
just turned one…
and had no real party to speak of.
she got some presents,
some great presents,
that she loves.
and we went out to ice cream
which then led me to realize that
when the other two were turning a year,
not only did they get big(ish) parties…
they had groups of friends,
Lil’ Chaos had been in day care for about 4 months
and was part of a parent/baby group that we went to
as a family on a weekly basis…
‘Zilla had been in day-care from 5 weeks of age…
she was social.
Little Zuzu, all her friends are grown ups, or college kids…
and for no rational reason, I feel guilt for this, and many many other
the kid has more social stimulation within her family than the other two…
she is better than fine.
she is happy and thriving…
but because the parental reflex,
or at least my parental reflex,
I have guilt about this…
reasonably, I know…
they will all be different,
have different needs and expectations…
I guess the challenge is
to get my heart and head in sync
in this matter
to let go of that guilt
let the reasonable self
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Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian
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