I am sure you have heard the old joke What do lesbians bring to a second date? Answer? A U-haul. I had heard it before and I thought, whatever. But I think I get it now, why as women, we move quickly on things together. Or at least I know why I would have. I can tell you that if I didn’t have three children and she didn’t have a child, I would already be living with Erin. It would not have been the second date but definitely after the first several weeks. Although, I say this based on the conversations we had because we already did have kids.
I know it’s a stereotype that not all women fit; however, a lot of us are very communicative. I know that for me, one of the biggest differences in getting to know and date a woman vs. the men I had in the past was the amount of time we communicated. Emails, texts, Facebook, phone, in person . . . tons and tons of discussions. We talked about EVERYTHING and for hours a day. I remember, years ago, when I’d meet someone, there was always a week or two of tons of communication, getting to know each other. Now, with Facebook and texting, it’s so much easier to communicate with someone at various times throughout the day. And when that someone is a woman, maybe a little bit more than what you’re used to with a man . . . or rather most men.
Erin and I are both very open, honest, and communicative. From the get-go we talked about who we were, what we were looking for and what we wanted for our kids. We spent weeks discussing our possible future as it became more and more apparent that we liked each other. That’s the thing that is a bit different when you’re a mother.
When you already have children, the new relationship you are forming will include them at some point in time. For us, it seemed like a perfect fit from the beginning. She was exactly what I have always wanted. She was also exactly what I wanted for my children. Someone who is kind, loving, a hands-on, awesome mom. Of course, as much as I wanted to get started with our lives together (i.e. “uhauling”), we had four children to think about.
I was able to discuss everything with my counselor, who just so happened to be my children’s counselor, and she helped me navigate the best and healthiest way to introduce my new girlfriend into not just my life, but my family’s life. I knew, watching my ex thrust his new girlfriend on my kids just weeks after leaving the marriage, that it wasn’t how I was going to do it. It wasn’t fair to anyone. So as much as I wanted to let my kids know about Erin and me, I didn’t. Eventually, she would hang out with us as a my friend and then a while later, when the counselor said it was okay, I introduced her to them as my girlfriend. (I will talk about this later, I promise.)
Again, if we didn’t have children, I would’ve rented a U-haul awhile ago. But we have children whom we don’t want to thrust into a new situation too soon. So we will continue to live at two different houses . . . our “country abode” and “city apartment” and then come summertime, after school is out, we will join our two families into one crazy, noisy, fun, loving, cuddle-filled house. I can’t wait! Do you think U-haul will take a reservation for six months from now?
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Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian
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