When you venture down the IVF and surrogacy road, it tends to add a whole new level of anxiety to the baby making process. IVF pregnancies are higher risk in general and there is typically more monitoring done in the first twelve weeks than with a normal, conventional pregnancy. Add to this a surrogate, an agency, and a whole lotta money and it becomes almost too much to comprehend!
It should be noted that the woman who decides to be a surrogate is an amazing person. To carry someone else’s baby, knowing the higher risk that comes with the pregnancy and also that at the end of gestation she no longer has any rights to this child, shows how immensely selfless these surrogates truly are.
When we tell people we have had ten tries at surrogacy and one live birth, they say to keep trying for that sibling. Of course, if we had it our way we would try try try again until it worked, but sadly, the financial aspect of it is just too much. If we were trying to get pregnant the conventional way, there would be no cost and whole lot more fun! It is not easy to keep trying, with IVF cycles, choosing surrogates, and waiting and wondering. As much as you have your angel surrogate ready and willing, the fact of the matter is that you might not get pregnant, and if you do, hopefully the pregnancy will result in a live birth. To an outsider it might seem exciting to go through a surrogacy attempt; and of course, it is very exciting, but considering the challenges you are up against, it is also very stressful. There are so many details to consider, the timing aspect of it, and of course, the money. Once you get this all worked out, you put so much hope and faith in the process that sometimes the reality of what you are doing gets clouded.
Sadly, when you get a negative pregnancy result, you are out a whole lot of money and you will feel heartbroken. BUT, when you do get that call with a positive beta test result, it is all indeed worth it! We have had 9 out of 10 negatives and are old pros at dealing with the news. We always try to figure out our next steps, and also we stay very positive about the surrogacy journey and all it has to offer. If you know someone who will be or has been trying surrogacy, understand that there is a huge hesitancy in celebrating until the baby is born. The emotions that come with having another woman carry your baby can be challenging to get a handle on. Many thoughts swirl around in the heads of intended parents, most commonly fear –fear that the pregnancy will not survive, and that, yet again, hopes and dreams will be shattered.
Once the baby(ies) is(are) born, let the full on celebration and joy begin!! There is nothing better than holding your baby after the years of heartache that led to this.
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Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian
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