By: Brandy Black
Everything was going along as normal this Saturday morning. S. was at the table eating breakfast, P. and B. sat in their bouncy chairs watching her make faces at them and Susan, Paola, and I were eating, plugging pacifiers and getting juice upon request when suddenly Susan jumped up from the table and pointed out that something was wrong with B. We looked over and her face was red, her eyes huge, mucus running down her nose and it was clear she couldn’t breathe. Susan tried to grab her but she was clipped into her chair, three of us raced to unhook her, Paola very softly reminded us to stay calm. Susan flipped her over and patted her back. In a panic I said “Give her to the nurse.” (Lucky for us we were able to choose a certified nurse as our au pair.) She handed her over and Paola continued to do what Susan had been doing. We heard a cry and B. was breathing again. The whole thing probably lasted no more than 10 seconds but it was the most terrifying moment a mom could face. The worst of it is we have no idea what happened. One minute she was fine and the next she couldn’t breathe.
I have said many times that the worst of having three kids is that three times as many bad things can happen. I know this is the dark side but it’s hard enough to keep one alive and healthy. We’ve been staring at Bella all day. Watching her chest rise and fall while she sleeps peacefully. I hate that I only have so much control over protecting my children that things can just happen. I hate SIDS. I worry all the time about my children and just when I begin to relax I am reminded that I shouldn’t. Life is precious. We are lucky to have each other. We never know when breath will be taken away from us.
I guess I should be thankful for the warning and the reminder to love hard and never miss the opportunity to say I love you or thank you or you mean the world to me.
So to my family I love you!
To my wife thank you for saving our daughter’s life!
To Paola thank you for keeping B. alive and bringing the calm to our household!
You all mean the world to me!
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Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian
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