By: Susan Howard
DAY 3, THE LAST ONE
Am I euphoric, elated, joyous? No I am not. I have the rest of the day to consume
bottles upon bottles of beet, watercress, cucumber, romaine, and parsley juice.
Fresh Pressed makes a good tasting juice, I will admit; I just don’t want to drink
them. Did James Dean juice, did Picasso juice, did Jack Kerouac? No they didn’t
because juicing isn’t cool.
I realize that I love my coffee and a toasted bagel because that is cool. Good things
can happen after they have been consumed. You feel full, jittery even. You might go
skydiving, drive a cab, or play in a band. What happens on a cleanse? After drinking
my overpriced V8, I am home reading a book of short stories, I am doing research on
reptiles, I am 80 years old worrying about my bursitis. It’s killing me by the way.
THE FINAL NIGHT, THE LAST NON-SUPPER
I am nauseous, I wonder if all the “toxins” are suddenly coming out all at once. Are
the sour cream and onion potato chips I had in the eighth grade finally coming down
the pipeline? I really feel gross, I fear I am over-hydrated. There was this crazy
story that I read about a person running the Chicago marathon that actually died
from drinking too much water. No joke. Am I that person? Even the good tasting
almond milk is now a chore.
I am glad I did it, so I can say I did, but I don’t think juicing is for me.
First of all it’s too L.A.
Second of all it’s too much of a total chick thing. I am a chick, but not a total chick.
Lastly I really like to eat: cooking, chewing, crunching, and slurping -all of it.
I will say that the juices are very nutritious and one might swap out a meal or two
with a juice, but that is as far as I will go on this matter.
Did I end the cleanse and think, why don’t I just keep fasting like Ghandi?
No, no I did not.
The day after and final thoughts. I woke up on the next morning and strangely
broke the cleanse with juice. A client wanted me to try their juice from a nearby
store, so what the hell, against all odds I had some more.
Ultimately I got a wheat bagel with butter and a double latte, which was amazing, by
the way. The warm toasted bagel so chewy and delicious.
I did learn one thing, which is I am not hungry in the morning and I am not that
hungry at night. 11 am and 3:30 pm are the two times my stomach really growled
and I was especially pissed to be on the cleanse. So I think I will eat accordingly.
Also my skin looks super good. WATER: it’s a wonder.
Ultimately I would say give it a try, it’s only 3 days you big babies.
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Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian
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