By: Susan Howard
I woke to red pee.
It’s the morning of my first juice cleanse day and I am already peeing red. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to last the full three days, so during the pre-cleanse phase not only did I omit coffee, but I did a few trial runs with carrot beet juice. Thus the pee. It took me a second to realize it though. Imagine.
Day One, I am having conversations with myself about food and if I ever really liked it in the first place, all that chewing and digesting, who needs it, so 80’s. I am hanging on to this mantra like a thin fraying rope.
The bottles are super pretty, and I, like any good American, am a sucker for good packaging.
Juice one tastes good, but is green in color, sort of weird in the am.
Pee two: red as well, plus a poop, normal looking.
I wish I could eat even a cracker.
More juice, more pee. Pineapple, apple mint juice is a treat that I enjoy at dinner time.
My pee is clear now, the kind of clear that looks like the toilet water. No yellow at all.
It’s 7:30 pm on Day One and I still have 3 juices left to drink! I am strangely determined to drink each one and to follow the program as closely as possible. Instead of little sips, I am aggressively gulping down the final drinks. One that was really looming: the chlorophyll H2O -a bright green water -actually doesn’t taste like the sea sludge I was expecting; in fact it doesn’t taste like much.
Ya know how when you do something really hard like sprinting up a hill, you don’t realize how hard it is until you stop, then it hits you and immediately you gasp for breath? That’s what gulping these juices is like. I can drink them down okay, it’s the aftermath that really gets me.
There is an almond milk juice that is my final one. I am really looking forward to it. At least that is something that sounds like something.
The conversations about the lack of necessity food has have ceased.
One last note: I pooped red. I wonder if the Russians have the same problem. I will have to ask my friend Boris.
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Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian
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