By: Lex Jacobson
So, yet again, I am not pregnant.
It’s only been a couple of months, but I kind of feel like this is old hat. I’m hoping we don’t get a chance to get used to the feeling of repeated negative pregnancy tests, but that may happen, and we will take them in stride.
We’re struggling right now with something. Our donor is the most amazing match for our family, and both his personality and looks are a great match to my partner, Devon. Before our treatments began, a nurse at our clinic told us to go with a three-month supply and then reassess afterwards. We have one shot left (literally), and I really really want to get pregnant with this donor. And now, he is completely sold out of units with no update on when his goods will be replenished.
We were warned not to get attached to any donor, but I don’t want to lose this one. We revisited our top 10, and this guy takes the cake by far. It would feel as though we are settling if we went with anyone else. But that may be the case.
Our next IUI will be some time this week… I hate not knowing when, but that’s part of the journey. My cycles have been all over the place, so I can’t even nail it down to one or two days. So I pee on sticks and take my temperature and figure it out as it happens. I do feel lucky that we have the tools to narrow our window… it’s just finding out where the general window is that’s tough. Fingers crossed that Number Three will live up to its lucky status and that all of the uncertainty of family creating will soon change into family preparing.
It’s an exciting journey, and through all of the ups and downs, I’m so glad we’re here. Not as glad as I assume I’ll be when we’re “there,” but I am certainly working on my patience. I don’t have much of a choice.
As friends’ bellies are popping out around me, my belly is feeling awfully small. (Who thought I would ever complain about a flat stomach!?)
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Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian
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