By: Tanya Dodd-Hise
For some reason, this is one of those questions that I have been asked multiple times. I’m not sure why, except for no other reason than the fact that I turned out gay? I have thought it to myself many times over the years, ever since Nicholas was young and then again after Noah came along. So now that Erikka and I have our own little gaybie on the way, the question has come up again.
Really? People have to actually think about this, putting hard thought and emotion into their answer? My reaction is usually, “So what if they do? I guess I’ll march in a parade with them!” I mean, this is really a ridiculous question, but I guess for many it is a game changer. There are a lot of anti-gay conservatives who have produced a lot of gay children over many, many years, and I think that for them, their child’s sexuality somehow reflects back to them. What’s THAT about?
I used to worry that if one of my boys grew up and announced that they liked other boys, or that they knew all along that they were gay, then somehow I will be blamed for it. It’s irrational and totally unrealistic thinking, but in the world that I sometimes collide with, it could totally happen. But oh my God, what IF?? Um, nothing.
People have again asked me what I will think or do if this baby girl grows up and “decides” that she is a lesbian. Really? I won’t think anything different – nothing different than how much I love her and how proud I will always be that she is my daughter. And what will I do? I will continue to love and support her as always! How can any parent think or do anything besides that? I mean, I KNOW it is a reality that not all parents would react like we would, if it were the case. My own family is a prime example of how a parent can lose sight of their unconditional love for their own child, and get caught up with religion over relationship.
There have been times over the years that I have watched my boys and wondered if they would grow up and be gay. My oldest didn’t seem interested in girls as a young boy, wasn’t into sports very much (except when I made him), and really enjoyed taking dance classes when he was about ten. But those things do not decide or define how his future with a woman (or man) will go. When he hit high school, he became more social and most definitely was clearly a boy who liked girls. And the youngest has had very similar traits as his brother, but there is no way of knowing – he isn’t even a fully formed person yet! So I’m not going to stress and worry, when there is just no need. If our daughter grows up and tells us that she likes women, it won’t phase us one bit. We can’t “teach” any of our children to be gay – and let’s think about it, don’t a good majority of us, gay/lesbian people, come from heterosexual parents? They apparently didn’t “teach” us to be straight, no more than our children learn how not to be.
We anxiously await her arrival – only three weeks now. She is developing perfectly, and is fully formed and very healthy. No matter what her future sexuality grows into – a LONG time into the future – the fact will never change that she has two mommies and a sea of friends, family, and aunties who will love her for HER, no matter who she loves!
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Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian
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