By: Brandy Black
My Dearest Sophia-
I am pregnant with twins, a boy and a girl, and you and I talk about it daily. You are very excited to have them join our family and to take care of them. I know when they come it may be tough for you to watch your place in the family shift a bit and I wish I could protect you from any sadness or hurt. If I could ensure that you never feel sadness your entire life, I probably would, but I am told and I guess am starting to believe, that that wouldn’t be very healthy. It is part of your growth as a human being to understand what pain feels like; it makes you stronger and more compassionate. But it causes me great heartache to know that I will have to watch tough times throughout your years to come. I promise to protect you from all that I can without being a crazy neurotic Mama.
I want you to know as my only child for just a few more months how incredible it has been watching you grow up these three and a half years. You have brought sunshine in my life that has made me brighter and lighter. I love watching your eyes sparkle when you show me the puzzle you finished by yourself or when you tell a joke at the table and you know it’s funny. I adore my mornings with you when you jump out of bed, so happy to be alive, ready for the day, you push through your multiple dresses in the closet to find the perfect outfit, you race to the bathroom, open the drawer and pull out your small brush and comb through your hair following up with a headband (always a headband) of your choice. You amaze me with your art, the flowers and rainbows and people with bows in their hair holding balloons. I am proud of you when I listen to you interact with others, so articulate, so confident, so happy. You are insanely happy. You bounce out of the house in the morning with a spring in your step, ready to share your day with your friends at school. You love ballet and gymnastics and swimming and drawing and singing and ballerinas and princesses and people and building towers and your imagination is inspiring. You told stories at the campfire on our vacation, long beautiful loving stories about a big bird with little wings that had butterfly parents. You are sensitive, you cry when you’ve upset Mom or me, you hate feeling like you are being laughed at (which you never are). You bring tears to my eyes. You have shown me how to love beyond boundaries. I will worry about you every day for the rest of my life, I will adore you always, and you will always be my angel.
I guess I feel it necessary to write this letter because I am embarking on an unknown journey that you and I will learn about together. I am an only child and I know nothing of what it’s like to have to share my parents’ love with siblings, you and I will learn together how I will share my love with the three of you. I don’t ever want you to feel less than you felt your whole life thus far. I am not perfect, I’m sure this will be tough but I am confident that you will keep me in line.
I love you my beauty, my angel, my sweet sweet only child.
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Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian
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