By: Brandy Black
So…pregnant with twins has certainly thrown a curve ball into our lives. We had debated for a long time about having a second child. Can we afford it? Can our relationship handle it? Do we have enough love in our hearts to add another little being into our lives? These were all very valid questions and we thought long and hard before we made our decision. When I would ask other couples having their second if finances were a concern, quite a few of them would tell me that they didn’t think they could afford one and then you just do or “if you wait around until you have the optimal amount of money, you’ll never have another.” Truth is, we knew we could afford it; it was just a matter of what we needed to give up, which after weighing the pros and cons, was an obvious answer -family is priceless and worth every penny.
But twins, we never considered. There was only a 40% chance that I would get pregnant in the first place with the process of thawing the embryos and a 30% chance of twins which, funny thing, never even came up in our conversations. The bigger concern was how we would take the news of not being pregnant. So, you can probably imagine the things that went through my mind when all of this started to unfold. I’ll be honest, when the nurse called me with my blood levels and told me that I was almost triple the norm and that it was highly likely that I was having twins, I had a full-blown panic attack. I literally had to slow my breathing as I sat and stared at the floor. It didn’t seem real. How could we afford three kids, where would be put them –we only have a 2 bedroom house, will they fit in my A4 Audii? What will this do to my marriage? Our first child almost broke us (to all you new parents, the first year is particularly challenging but you will make it through).
I wanted to celebrate this news but it seemed so completely overwhelming. When we shared with friends, it was a very different response than the first pregnancy. Rather than a simple “congratulations” or “I’m so happy for you”, we got a lot of “Wow” and “Oh my God” and “I’m in shock” and “now you can start a baseball team”, the list goes on. I can’t blame people, I felt the same way but I think I was looking for someone to tell me that it wasn’t going to be impossible, that it was going to be the best thing that’s ever happened to me like my first child was.
I lay in bed at night thinking “Three! How many people do I know that have three kids? Hmmm, not many. Ok well, two, how many with two? A lot of my friends have two so we’re just having one more than two.” I was basically talking myself off the ledge. You have to understand that I’m an only child and the idea of siblings and raising multiple children is foreign. Although I have spent my adult life admiring the Kennedys for their big family, playing football in the front yard, discussing politics at the dinner table –or the fictional Cosby family for all of the creative ways in which they would teach their children lessons, I never knew that it could someday be me. So here I am pregnant with twins. I’m finally starting to wrap my head around it but with that comes a lot of planning and lists…
Finances, housing situation, double the baby stuff, get help, get help, get help, get new car (if needed), read up on dethroning child #1 to prepare for #2 and #3, read up sleep schedules again, research every possible online resource known to moms to make life easier (diapers, formula –never needed it before, pretty sure I might need it this time– grocery delivery, food delivery). This list pales in comparison to any list I would usually make because I’m so pregnant and tired that half way through it I give up and then eventually lose the list and have to start all over again. Sigh.
So, in an effort to honor this year’s word, “helpable”, feel free to send me any lists you find helpful in things one might need for the arrival of twins!
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Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian
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