30% OFF Pride collection code: USAPRIDE! Free Shipping over $99

When the Bough Breaks…

by The Next Family March 04, 2011

By: Lex

lesbian who is clinically depressed

My wife doesn’t want to have two babies. And it’s not having twins that she’s worried about.

I have been clinically depressed for more than half of my life and I have wanted to have a baby for a lot more than half of my life. These two facts don’t complement each other well, if at all, but they are facts that I deal with daily. Being a lesbian is just an added barrier when it comes to conceiving, but at the end of the day, it’s not necessarily the fact that I’m married to a woman that makes this near-life-long dream so complex; it’s my health.

My wife has never had any desire to carry a child. I, on the other hand, can’t imagine going through life without the experience of having a baby growing inside of me. She could take or leave having kids and be quite happy with either choice. I don’t think I’d ever come to terms with not expanding our family.

I was in my mid teens when I was diagnosed with clinical depression, about four years after the symptoms started. I was finally hospitalized after my first suicide attempt at age 17. For eight months straight. This would be the start of my five-year stint in and out of psych wards, trying handfuls of medications that did nothing for me. I eventually graduated from high school, even got accepted to a really good college and started studying there, but ultimately, it became clear that living was going to be something that didn’t come naturally for me.

Over a decade later, I am married to an incredible woman who I love madly and who loves me. I finished my degree. I work full-time in a good job. I own a condo, or at least a mortgage. I even keep two little kitten heartbeats beating in my home. Despite the constant fight against depression, I have found a balance that works. Living is finally more natural and life is pretty good. But it’s also childless. So very, very childless.

My wife knows how important having a child is to me, and after weighing all of our options, we are on the road to conception. We are currently working with my psychiatrists and reproductive health doctors to help me carry a baby healthily. At one of our appointments, I asked my psychiatrist whether my baby would be safe. My wife asked him whether I’d be safe. She’s not scared of losing the baby; she’s scared of losing me.

I am hesitant to tell anyone that I am planning to stay on some of my medication during pregnancy. This does not make me a bad mother, or a bad person. I’m actually doing this for the health of my baby too.

In all honesty, if it were completely up to me, I would risk my health to have a baby. I would risk losing myself in the epic battle to darkness again if it meant that my ultimate dream of being a mother would come true. But it is not just me in this relationship. My wife deserves a healthy, functioning partner. The baby deserves two healthy, functioning moms as well.

I don’t want my wife looking after two babies. That’s not fair.

Instead, I want us to look after our baby together.


[Photo Credit: Bored by Woo]

The post When the Bough Breaks… appeared first on The Next Family.

The Next Family
The Next Family


Leave a comment

Comments will be approved before showing up.

Also in Parenting

Modern Fitness For the Modern Parent

by The Next Family March 25, 2016


Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian

By Laura King

Life can get busy. With work, kids, family commitments, friends, chores, and the general chaos of everyday life, it can be near impossible at times to sit down for a cup of tea, let alone squeeze in an hour of exercise regularly. However, all things are possible if you set your mind to them. Those that prioritize their fitness nearly...

Continue Reading →

Estate Planning: The Basics For LGBT Families

by The Next Family March 25, 2016

With the passage of marriage equality last year, laws have been quickly changing across the United States. LGBT couples with or without children weren’t just given the right of marriage, they were provided new protections and benefits within their families. All of a sudden, LGBT couples and families had to figure out how to file jointly when it came to taxes, how to add...

Continue Reading →

Representation of Modern Families in Kid-Friendly Entertainment

by The Next Family March 24, 2016 1 Comment


By Alex Temblador

I recently wrote an article for The Next Family called, “Family-Friendly Films That Feature Adoption and Foster Care,” that shared wonderful family films with adoption or foster care story lines. My reasoning behind doing so was because every family deserves a chance to see similar families like theirs represented in various forms of entertainment.

The same can be said of other...

Continue Reading →