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Ask a Lesbian!

by The Next Family January 18, 2011

By: Christopher Coyne

Chris Coyne and Jon

“I need to set the record straight.  I am sure you guys are worried but I cannot change my mind.  I chose you to parent these girls because I can’t and I know you will be the best parents for them.”

These are the first words our baby momma said to us after the match.  We had booked the first flight out to JFK and we were so nervous to meet our Birthmother we did not say a word to each other on the flight out.  We both read our books like it would be the last time we ever took a flight minus two babies that would need every second of our attention.  The previous night neither one of us slept a wink.  I tossed and turned wondering if she would eat her words and change her mind the second she met us.  I was so excited and nervous I was at a loss for words when we met her.

She was wonderful.  She was really pretty, super smart and she had great teeth!  Her husband drove her over and he seemed to do most of the talking for all of us.  Our baby momma’s daughter sat on her crowded lap and bounced around like it was a wild ride.  There was an obvious boundary separating us from them.  They were a family and we were the guys across the table who wanted a family but needed their help.  She handed us an envelope that contained all of her ultrasounds.  It was amazing to see the girls on paper.  It was a huge surprise to see her pregnant belly move and morph while we chatted about anything but the pregnancy.  We refused to bring up the subject because we thought it was insensitive to talk about it in front of her child.

We parted ways and it seemed everything went really well.  We flew back home and realized our lives would never be the same.  A panic was setting up inside me.  We were about to become parents to two girls.  Daddy’s little girl will have a whole new meaning when our little girls have two dads!  How are we going to get them back to Los Angeles?  How are we going to fit two huge heavy car seats in our little sports car?  What do we do about the dogs?  Is our house big enough?  How do you feed two babies at the same time?  The sleepless nights were going to begin way before the girls ever made it to our house that is for sure.

As the days came and went more and more questions piled on.  We looked online but we did not find much.  Our first resource was one of Jon’s gay friends and his partner who had twins via a surrogate a year before.  Jon called and barraged him with a million questions.  His advice was to front load as much as possible.  A neighbor had advised we join the local twin network, West Los Angeles Parents of Multiples or WLAPOM.  We went to a meeting and we realized we were a bit over our heads.  The best thing that came from that meeting was an introduction to Tere Throenle.  She and her wife had boy/girl twins (a new term for us) and she was amazing.  She had some sort of a role in LAPOM (by the way it should be LAMOM —Mothers of Multiples because we were the only dads). During the meeting she was emailing and texting me all sorts of useful information.  This is when I learned a very important lesson in life.  If you do not know something ask a lesbian!

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