Cyber Monday 50% OFF SITE WIDE! Check it out now | Free Shipping + Financing Available!

Where’s MINE??????

by The Next Family January 06, 2011

By: Ann Brown

Well, I’m just going to come out and say it. Everybody else in the world is doing better than I am.

Oh, don’t even start with me about losing your job or your basement flooding or your bladder infection that won’t go away. Don’t even. I know what I know and what I know is that I am sick and tired of people’s good news. I did take momentary pleasure in reading that Obama’s approval numbers have gone up, but then I thought to myself, “what about MY approval numbers? I still only have, like, 169 Dr. Strangemom Facebook friends. And I was totally for the public option.”

I think the annual Christmas letters are what finally did me in. Does everyone lie, or do people get out and do shit, like, every weekend? Am I the only one who is watching the Burn Notice marathon? The only one nuking popcorn for dinner and devoting my free time to perusing hair products on amazon.com? Am I the ONLY one who takes the Sabbath seriously? Did the Lord spend the seventh day skiing? Cleaning out the garage? Running Hood to Coast? I don’t think so. S/He intended us to rest. Exfoliate. Experiment with highlights. Hide behind the sofa and not answer the door when friends come by. You know, be holy.

I do not send out holiday letters. Frankly, I would have to make up all sorts of shit and no one would believe me anyway. I suppose I could stick to the truth, like, I finally found that apple core I’ve been looking for all spring. I just knew it had to be under my bed. Oh, and I went up another size in underpants. Again. Best wishes in 2011.

If you happen to be part of a sporty family, your letter practically writes itself. Although, I have to tell you that no one cares how your kid’s team did this season, especially if they did well. I know we all say we care. But we don’t. We don’t even remember if your kid is a boy or a girl. Even when we see it.

You know what I like? I like hearing that things are fucked all around. I am not interested in doing better than anyone; I am interested in being fucked together. A gang of fucked. Sharing the last piece of Trader Joe’s spanokopita, reading aloud from Valley of the Dolls, and snuggling close as the embers die out. THAT makes you want to live to see another day. I mean, hearing whose kid got into Stanford, whose career is going well and how, once you get used to it, you don’t even miss carbs – why bother waking up to a new morning after that?

Although, honestly, if things are going well for you, bless your heart.

And by “bless your heart”, I mean, keep it to yourself. Or gimme some.

The post Where’s MINE?????? appeared first on The Next Family.




The Next Family
The Next Family

Author


Leave a comment

Comments will be approved before showing up.


Also in Parenting

Modern Fitness For the Modern Parent

by The Next Family March 25, 2016

e13db90f29f21c3e81584d04ee44408be273e7d61cb710479cf7_640_fitness-300x214@2x

Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian

By Laura King

Life can get busy. With work, kids, family commitments, friends, chores, and the general chaos of everyday life, it can be near impossible at times to sit down for a cup of tea, let alone squeeze in an hour of exercise regularly. However, all things are possible if you set your mind to them. Those that prioritize their fitness nearly...

Continue Reading →

Estate Planning: The Basics For LGBT Families

by The Next Family March 25, 2016

With the passage of marriage equality last year, laws have been quickly changing across the United States. LGBT couples with or without children weren’t just given the right of marriage, they were provided new protections and benefits within their families. All of a sudden, LGBT couples and families had to figure out how to file jointly when it came to taxes, how to add...

Continue Reading →

Representation of Modern Families in Kid-Friendly Entertainment

by The Next Family March 24, 2016 1 Comment

SidsFamily

By Alex Temblador

I recently wrote an article for The Next Family called, “Family-Friendly Films That Feature Adoption and Foster Care,” that shared wonderful family films with adoption or foster care story lines. My reasoning behind doing so was because every family deserves a chance to see similar families like theirs represented in various forms of entertainment.

The same can be said of other...

Continue Reading →