Guest blog by Tere Throenle (Heather’s wife)
Vision, or a plan for my life, is super important for me. Without vision, I can’t get from Point A to Point B. When I met Heather, I wanted something different; I wanted to be different. Whatever I had been doing in the past wasn’t working, wasn’t meeting the vision I had for my life. When Heather asked me about having kids, I was honest and told her I just didn’t think that was an option for me at this point in my life. But Heather was seven years younger then I (Score!) and hadn’t begun to shut those doors yet. I started to realize that I could actually start opening a few.
All of my previous relationships had been relatively long-term and had not lived up to my vision. In fact, if anything, they simply filled a void. I broke up with one and the next one was conveniently “available”. I finally took some real time away from the last one to truly think through what I wanted. The next one had to be driven, ambitious, strong, tall, in charge, fresh, feisty, smart, hot, devoted, loyal, and authentic but above all, someone who adores me.
I recognized that Heather had the potential to be the person I wanted her to be – a bit of a diamond in the rough. I knew I had to quickly create a few opportunities to see if she would rise to the occasion. The first was that dinner date at Lucques. Would she drive my car – and do it well? Would she open doors, order wine, and generally “handle” the evening? I gave her the situations, let her know what I expected, and let her take it from there. I was almost 40 for goodness sakes; I had no time to waste!
She rose to the occasion. If she was nervous, I couldn’t really tell. She took charge and seemed quite comfortable in the role I so desperately needed her to take. In a lot of ways, Heather felt like the missing puzzle piece that actually fit. I was very excited. Everything else before had been practice of what not to do and this one was the beginning of the rest of my life and what we could create together.
That role for Heather hasn’t changed much. As you know, she still drives, tries to open doors, and has learned to order a great bottle of wine. It’s not perfect and sometimes I wish she would surprise me more.
But Heather is my champion supporting me when I stumble, kicking me in the ass when I’m racked with self-pity and loving me when I am unlovable.
She is my rock, my solid ground. I adore her.
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Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian
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