By: Rosy Barren
We won the raffle from the adoption fair- we got a steak dinner at Morton’s, haven’t had it yet. We also went to a friend’s house for dinner and after, watched her favorite movie “Knocked Up”, she doesn’t know we’re in the process of trying to get pregnant. I laughed at the irony of it all, laughed at the movie and promptly lost it on the car ride home. It felt like some sort of joke that is being played on me, all of these things that I may construe as signs, I’ve been down this road before on other tries, sitting in my car listening to the words to a song by Bright Eyes “this is the first day of my life, glad I didn’t die before I met you…” that was my sign, they can all be signs. I was blubbering and broken in fear that I may face another rejection. The next day I brushed myself off and went on with my long wait.
I got a call from my doctor today, he wants me to come in tomorrow to take a look, not to determine anything, it’ll be a day or two early, just wants me to come in. I’m not sure what that means, he’s often cryptic and without explanation, I love that about him and I hate it. Tonight, I broke down and decided to buy a pregnancy test, this is stupid because the HCG shot can give a false positive that you are pregnant so they tell you not to take one but I wanted to just to see if it was a negative. I knew if it was negative, I’m not pregnant and if it’s positive well then we wait.
I took the test. We sat in our guestroom on the cold wood floor, cross-legged waiting. It was positive meaning not negative. “Happy not negative” my wife said.
Happy Not Negative!
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Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian
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