By: Rosy Barren
I went to the doctor today after doing 9 days of shots and my first ever IVF cycle just got cancelled. I didn’t even know this could happen. I have been so full of hope and have been waiting for this succession of bad news to stop and here I am back again. I was just looking through my calendar tonight and month after month I have a frown face and a red X that represents the day I got my period- yet another day without my child. I have started a list of people that have gotten pregnant in the time that I have been trying, it’s long, too long to count, too much for me to bear. I’m so angry and hurt right now. I’m tired of people telling me that IVF is the last stop -that I will get pregnant, that it’s in the cards for me. It’s clearly not and I don’t understand why. Why me? I can’t stand to pick up the phone and once again share the bad news with all of the loving people in my life that I have been stupid enough to open my heart to. What can they say now? Who has an IVF cycle cancelled on them?
The doctor says I should be grateful we’re cancelling because it’s too expensive to go through a cycle with one follicle. One follicle is all that my body managed to produce with a mass amount of drugs being pumped in my belly. Needles daily, Eastern needles, Western needles, nothing is good enough for me. I think I will lie in my bed and cry myself to sleep tonight and start again tomorrow.
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Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian
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