By: Rosey Barren
I just got a slam of reality today. The drugs arrived in the mail and I can’t believe that I’m actually doing this. This can’t be my story. Am I really infertile? I must be, right? It’s just…the needles, doctors and the hospitals, it is all freaking me out and it’s overwhelming. I have no one to talk to about this. My list of friends who were trying to get pregnant have all succeeded by now, some of them on round two, and here I am going through In Vitro. It’s all so confusing and I’m no good at research so truthfully I don’t know what these drugs do and what the side effects might be and frankly don’t want to know for fear of psychosomatically creating the symptoms. It’s hard enough for me to get through the day without a breakdown. I’m so tired of it all, the endless arguments with my insurance company and the bills that keep piling up from the doctor’s office. Not to mention the many baby shower invites that keep making their way into my mailbox.
I’m on the pill (The pill. I’m trying to get pregnant, and he puts me on the pill!) for 2 weeks to regulate my cycle before we start the shots. I really wish I could get my doctor on the phone so that he can tell me what I’m supposed to do with these drugs. Do they all need to be refrigerated or what? Assuming they do, I have taken over both produce drawers in the fridge with various boxes, vials, needles, I don’t know what. Ugh. My acupuncturist says I need to “relax”. Let me pick myself up, dust myself off, embrace the Eastern approach by remaining positive and…relaxed? Ommm. Now I’m going to Whole Foods to pick up royal jelly, fertility tea, Omega 3’s, and a shot of wheatgrass.
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Originally published on The Seattle Lesbian
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